


on the edge of seventeen

by amessofgaywords



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, brief appearances also from dani's mother, business finance classes are very important to the plot, but i guess since it's england it's college, it has come to my attention i have barely written these two being helpless gays for each other, just some nice fluff and bits of plot here and there, possibly too many plant themed jokes, questionable knowledge of british schooling, speaking of, this is an attempt to remedy that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27998274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amessofgaywords/pseuds/amessofgaywords
Summary: “You’re pretty,” Dani slurs. Jamie cringes.“You’re pretty drunk. What are you doing all the way out here alone, huh?”“Wat-” Dani hiccups. “Watching the kiddos. The little kiddos. My kids.”“You oughtta stop bringing kids to these parties, Poppins.”or a sort of high school au, where dani is practically perfect, jamie is mostly hardscrabble, and neither of them are any good at the whole teenager thing.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 67
Kudos: 425





	1. let me in-tree-duce myself

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy. yes, because the perfect thing to do at the end of the year is start a multi-chapter high school au! (side note: this is the first hs au i have actually gotten out of my brain and into microsoft word. impressive.)
> 
> any mistakes about how school works in england are all mine. i have not, in fact, been to school in england. i do not know if you all have business finance classes over there.
> 
> title from edge of seventeen by stevie nicks.

So, there are a few things Jamie loves. Her after-school job in the nursery, for one. Owen and Hannah and Rebecca for another – technically three things but she counts them as one – with their cheerful demeanors and genuine affection and witty banter. Also, the taste of a warm cup of tea early in the morning, English Breakfast preferred. 

But it’s much easier to list off the things Jamie hates. Her father and his soot-stained boots and empty bottles of cider. Her mother, little more than a shadow in the rearview mirror at this point. Denny’s fists, cracked and bleeding from a thousand other fights. Mikey’s face screwed up right before he cries. The way the AC breaks in the summer and the heat bill is never paid in the winter. Mondays through Fridays, seven to two-thirty, the halls of that school abhorrent. Running out of cigarettes. Taking care of anything (other than plants) and, topping the list by a country goddamn mile, fucking _sixth form parties._

Sixth form parties, the bane of Jamie’s existence. It’s the last bloody year of her schooling and she’s still dragged, week after week, to some place that smells like bad drugs and off veg for grinding that she doesn’t even _want_ to do. So she snags a cig from some rugby player’s pocket and ducks out the back.

To find the goddamn American transfer student, sitting out in the garden with two kids Jamie faintly recognizes as the Wingraves, of Henry Wingrave the fancy London lawyer fame, and bloody _Jesus_ is she loud. Loud American ruining Jamie’s smoke. Loud _pretty_ American, sorry, she should allow the girl a proper compliment before running off with it.

“And what’s her name?” Jesus, are all Americans this loud? Jamie lights her cig with a half-functioning lighter and takes a long drag, leaning back against the porch and watching the loud pretty American point at some homemade dolls the wee girl is playing with. The girl says something and the American laughs. “That’s very kind of you, Flora.”

“Miss Clayton! Miss Clayton!” The other little one, a boy with knobby knees and a smart looking sweater, bounds over holding something in his hand. “I found a frog!”

“Wow, Miles!” The American takes the little creature in her palm. Jamie can see it rest peacefully there. For a second or two. The girl reaches out a finger to stroke its slimy back, and it hops, ribbiting its way to Jamie’s feet. The American watches it go, and as she scans up from the frog, to Jamie’s boots, to her face with an eyebrow raised quizzically, her face contorts.

“Hi there!” She says eagerly. “Didn’t see you there. Are you from the party?”

Jamie nods, snuffing out her cigarette in the dirt. There are children watching her now. The least she can do is be respectable. “Aye. S’pose that.” She clears her throat awkwardly. It’s not that she wants to go nearer, but:

“I’m Dani. Dani Clayton.” American stands up and sticks out her hand, brushing off her jeans. She’s dressed a little light for the early fall wind, but Jamie doesn’t mention it. She fists one hand in her coat pocket and extends the other, stepping forward a little to shake Dani-Dani-Clayton’s hand.

“Jamie.” Once Dani drops her hand, her grip stronger and more forceful than Jamie had been expecting, she gestures downwards. “What are these ones? Little seedlings?"

“We’re Miss Clayton’s guests!” The energy that practically radiates off of the girl is a little too much for Jamie. She almost has to take a step back. “My name is Flora. It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Jamie.” She offers her hand as well, and Jamie crouches to shake it, years of instinct with Mikey snapping to focus. Least this kid’s manners are alright.

“Live about here, then?” Jamie asks, gesturing at the house behind her. She’s not sure whose, exactly, it is – maybe Peter Quint’s, since Rebecca seemed to know the way, but it’s just as likely it’s the Pope’s – and Dani shakes her head, laughing lightly. It’s a nice laugh. Jamie traces her face over with her eyes.

“No, no. I live with Lord Wingrave – or at least, I’m staying with him. This semester. That’s why I’ve brought the kids along, you know. He offered to house me as long as I watched over his niece and nephew on the weekends.” It is, in fact, Friday night, which brings this whole situation into sharp relief. Jamie frowns.

“Just putting his charge to work then? Like Cinderella or something?” Dani does not seem to like this comparison. Her face falls the slightest amount before she forces it back up. Flora, tired already of this adult conversation, has gone back to her dolls. The other one, the boy, is nowhere to be seen.

Dani opens her mouth, but it’s a second before she starts talking. “It’s not like that. He pays me sometimes. And honestly, it’s really very kind of him to let me stay anyway. I mean, he doesn’t even have a kid in the high school-” Jamie makes a face. “Sorry. College. I’m… getting used to it.”

“Uh huh.” Jamie, finding nothing better to do and not necessarily wanting to go back inside, plops down on the ground, spreading one leg out and tucking the other close so as not to mess up Flora’s dolls. Dani sits down tenderly next to her. “And he doesn’t feel much ‘bout you taking his beloved gremlins out to this hive of debauchery?”

Dani laughs at the same time Flora says “we’re not gremlins!” Jamie cracks a small smile at her. Once Dani’s recovered her breath, she shakes her head.

“You know, I didn’t really ask. But someone invited me here, and I didn’t want to leave the kids all alone, so… the housekeeper, she can be downright _mean_ sometimes. I’m a little afraid of her, honestly.” Jamie knows the lot. Viola Lloyd, widow, stern, bit scary, lived and worked at Bly since the dinosaurs. Jamie met her a few times the summer before, fixing up Wingrave’s gardens for some house showing that never actually went down. She liked the hard work. She didn’t like the way Ms. Lloyd watched the whole time, judging with those creepy eyes.

Dani’s still talking. “So I brought them along. And Owen said there was a backyard, so I could keep them out of the worst parts-”

“You know Owen?” This shouldn’t surprise Jamie. Owen knows everybody, Owen’s friendly with everybody, especially the girls. Doesn’t see how they go crazy over him, unfortunately; he’s got eyes only for Hannah. Still, Dani’s in cahoots with one of Jamie’s only friends. It brings this serendipitous meeting a little closer to home.

 _Does she follow him around with puppy dog eyes too,_ Jamie wonders. Notices again just how pretty this American is.

Dani nods, her eyes lighting up. “We share a math class! He’s just the sweetest, and he makes the best food. Sometimes he sneaks me bits of his lunch, since it’s better than the cafeteria stuff.” Dani makes a face. “I actually think he’s mentioned you, once or twice. Jamie who loves plants and not people, right?”

If that’s how Owen’s describing her to the local pretty girls, no wonder Jamie hasn’t gone on a date in a year. “S’pose that’s me, though he left out the part where I’m an absolute charm.” Dani ducks her head, pink coloring her cheeks. _At least I can still flirt._ “I do love plants, though. Fuckin' love 'em. Spend most of my time with ‘em, really.” She probably shouldn’t swear around little ones, but blessedly Flora’s distracted, and Dani just laughs.

“Yeah, I…” Dani points in the general direction of Jamie’s chest. She looks down and finds a smear of dirt and mulch across the front of her jumper. “I kinda figured.”

There’s laughter on her voice as Jamie scrubs the worst of it away. She shouldn’t be embarrassed – most of her time is spent looking like she just crawled out of the earth, holding freshly dug up carrots with leaves in her hair – but Dani’s neat little blouse and clean jeans and impeccable trainers all paint a very different picture then Jamie ever has. Ever. So.

“Must’ve spilled something on me at work. Pots at the nursery can be a right bitch sometimes,” Jamie explains herself away, rather than trying to identify exactly _which_ day’s work this stain is from. Dani’s face lights up.

“You work at a nursery?”

“A plant nursery. With plant babies.” Jamie gestures to Flora, currently tucking her dolls in under blankets of grass and dandelions. “Not as good at kids as you, Poppins.”

“Poppins?” Dani’s face is crooked, even while she smiles. Jamie shrugs.

“Thought you’d like it more than Cinderella. Bit more complimentary.”

“Or you could just call me Dani.”

Jamie shakes her head, making a face. “You seem too much like of those Disney ladies for me to do that, Poppins. With the singing birds and all that. You seem like the practically perfect type.” Dani keels over - it really wasn't that funny - almost rolling over in the grass.

“God, if you knew-” Dani’s lips snap tight, and Jamie’s used to _that_ feeling. She’s going to say it’s okay until she hears the screen door opening and a familiar voice calling Dani’s name.

“There you are! I found this young man rooting around the kitchen looking for biscuits.” Owen hauls Dani’s other charge down off of the porch by the back of his sweater. At least he looks sorry.

“Miles!” Dani jumps up, running her hands over him like he’s been hurt by the parade of drunk seventeen year olds. “What did I tell you about going inside?”

“I’m sorry,” and he does look decently so. “I heard the music and I thought it would be fun.”

“Maybe when you’re older, mister.” Dani hugs him close, running her hands up and down his hair, and Jamie just watches, toeing at the dirt with her boot. “Well. I think that’s more than enough for tonight, don’t you? Flora, come on. I should be getting you back to your uncle’s.” Flora gathers her dolls and stands obediently up, taking Dani’s proffered hand and skipping off. Dani looks back over her shoulder as they depart through the garden gate, waving at Jamie with a “nice to meet you!” before disappearing into the night, Miles walking sulkily ahead of her.

Owen gives Jamie a look. Just one look. “New girl _leaf_ you wanting more _thyme_?”

“Shut up.”

\---

The second time Dani and Jamie meet is also, annoyingly, at a party.

The same house – Jamie is now fairly sure it’s Peter Quint who lives here, given that she saw him lead Rebecca upstairs earlier with far too much ease – and the same backyard, where Jamie is once again sneaking out for a smoke. This time, she doesn’t get as far as the porch before a blonde head is falling into view and she sees Dani, on the steps down into the backyard, leaning into the railing and looking absolutely _smashed._

Jamie lights her cig and sits down next to Dani. She means just to be a silent companion (it is a pretty small porch) but Dani almost immediately flops in her lap, soft hair spilling out over Jamie’s knees. It’s warm tonight, warmer than before, so she’s in a pair of cutoffs and a cropped shirt under her flannel, and Dani’s hair on her skin is a nice, albeit weird, feeling. Like a waterfall.

“You’re pretty,” Dani slurs. Jamie cringes.

“You’re pretty drunk. What are you doing all the way out here alone, huh?”

“Wat-” Dani hiccups. “Watching the kiddos. The little kiddos. My kids.”

“You oughtta stop bringing kids to these parties, Poppins.” Jamie strokes her fingers instinctively through Dani’s hair. She giggles and rocks back and forth over Jamie’s lap, eventually burying her face in the skin of Jamie’s lower thigh. She sucks in a breath at the feeling of Dani’s lips on her skin. _Stupid pretty American._

Dani has crossed Jamie’s mind once or twice these past two weeks they haven’t seen each other. Once or twice or three or four times, eventually Jamie stopped counting. It’s not often she meets someone new, someone as blindly and easily captivating as Dani Clayton. She passes her in the hallways once a day and every time, she notices Dani waving at her eagerly, like they’ve known each other for years. Jamie tries to wave back most of the time.

Owen is indeed in Dani’s math class. Jamie is not. Jamie isn’t in any of her classes except Business Finance, but of course she hasn’t noticed the rogue American in that class since the professor has a tendency to drone on from first to last bell. And Jamie sits at the back annotating her textbook most of the time anyway.

There are the times they run into each other at the coffee shop near the school. Jamie is picking up Owen from his graveyard-opposite shift to head to class. Dani is ordering a latte. It’s not like there are deep conversations, but there’s light small talk. Jamie learns Dani is from the Midwest, whatever that means. Also, she likes dogs better than cats. Also, they’re both really bad at small talk – Jamie especially when she spends the whole time staring at how Dani’s hair falls over her collarbones.

Anyway, it’s not like they’ve really sought each other out, but some people are just magnetic like that, and Dani is turning out to be pretty damn magnetic. Jamie couldn’t really avoid her if she tried. Not… that she’s trying.

Dani finally stops her laugh attack and squints up at Jamie, haloed by the porch light. “Why you all frowny?” she asks, waggling her fingers in the general direction of Jamie’s lips. Jamie narrowly avoids Dani’s lilac and eggshell blue painted nails scratching her face and gently pushes Dani’s hand down, holding it to her lap. Her skin is warm. Soft. Other thoughts now.

“I’m _frowny_ because I’ve been dragged to another one of these godforsaken parties.” Jamie sighs, leaning back on one hand while the other stays on Dani’s. She would be lying to say she doesn’t notice Dani messily intertwining their fingers and playing with the ring she wears on her thumb. 

“Me too. ‘Cept I came on purpose.” Dani chokes on her own spit with her failed laugh. “Even though I broke a rule.” This is whispered conspiratorially, like they had not, in fact, been discussing this exact rule-breaking the last time they met like this.

At the mention of Dani’s questionable decisions, Jamie scans the yard. It comes up empty. “Poppins. Where are the kids?”

“Inside,” Dani hiccups. “In- in the house. Owen said he’s gonna teach ‘em to play cards.” Dani’s grinning, and that does sound like something Owen would do. Jamie resolves to text him later, just to make sure. Right now, she’s just going to supervise drunk Dani, because… well, drunk Dani seems like she needs supervising.

The slamming of the screen door makes Jamie jump. “Shots! Jello shots! Get yo’ Jello shots here!” Some boy who Jamie doesn’t recognize is stumbling forward, holding a tray of, indeed, Jello shots. Dani makes a grabby motion upwards, but Random Boy holds the tray just out of reach. Jamie takes pity on her dinosaur arms and grabs two shots off of the tray, saluting Random Boy and staring at him until he turns and stumbles back inside.

Jamie sets one of the shots on the porch and squeezes the other into her mouth, swirling it around before swallowing, and _sweet Jesus,_ whoever made these must have no taste buds, or something. She’s never tasted more bad vodka in her life. Dani, meanwhile, is trying in earnest to reach the Jello shot Jamie’s placed just out of reach of her head. She wags her finger in Dani’s face.

“You’re too drunk for that. Reckon I’ll just take it myself then, aye?” She opens the cheap plastic cup and tests the firmness of the Jello inside. It’s wet. Slimy. Jamie is not, necessarily, a fan of Jello shots.

Dani sits up and slings herself across Jamie’s back, reaching over with one hand to grab the Jello shot while the other lands somewhere on Jamie’s knee. And Jamie’s not exactly defending the shot all that well, so Dani ends up stealing it and plopping it in her mouth. Once she’s swallowed, her eyes flashing, she leans in and kisses Jamie firmly on the cheek.

“You’re pretty,” she says again, somehow slurring more than she was before. Jamie digs her phone out of her pocket. She texts Owen to come to the porch, and bring the kids.

“Alright. How’s this sound: Owen’ll bring out the little ones, and I can drive the three of you home, alright? Sound good, Poppins?” Dani makes a face.

“Nuh-uh. Wanna stay here and talk to you. Please, pretty please.” Jamie snorts, trying to ignore the warmth that curls up in her chest as Dani swallows her in her arms. Gently, she pushes her back.

“Pretty sure underage drinking is grounds to get your exchange student card revoked, Poppins.” Dani makes another face at that, and is quickly shooting to her feet, holding her head and leaning on the railing. _That does it._ Though, if Dani were a little less drunk and Jamie were a bit more honest with herself, she’d really be saying the same thing.

Owen comes out with two children looking relatively unscathed for the state of the party inside and pushes them into Jamie’s arms, as the less drunk of the two. They greet her with a chorus of “Hi, Miss Jamie,” and wonderful, it appears they _know her_ already. Jamie takes Flora in one hand and Dani in the other – she still can’t walk in quite a straight line – and lets Miles lead the way to her truck, parked just down the street.

“Why is Miss Clayton talking weird?” Flora asks Jamie as Dani does, indeed, slur her way through what _sort of_ sounds like the American national anthem. Jamie decides to handle this as… professionally as she can. Damage control.

“Miss Clayton is very tired. And she’s had something to drink that makes her more tired. And a little silly.” Flora looks over at Dani. “But don’t worry. She’ll be the same Miss Clayton come morning, you’ll see.”

“Just with a headache,” Miles chimes in, stopping when Jamie gestures to her truck. She laughs while she unlocks the driver’s side, shoving Dani through it into the passenger’s seat. Flora and Miles dutifully scramble into the back of the cab.

“Right you are, little man.” Jamie hops into the cab and pulls the door shut, swinging her arm across the back of the seat to turn out from her _excellent_ parallel parking job. “You two rascals want the radio on?”

The kids cheer yes, and Jamie’s heart skips the tiniest bit when Dani’s head lolls into resting position on Jamie’s inner arm. She stays like that, half-asleep, all the way to the Wingrave manor.


	2. you had me at aloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back. now with more flirting. well, actually, probably the same amount of flirting.

_Regret._ Regret pounds through Dani’s head like a bass boosted metronome. One too many Jello shots last night, maybe.

She’s laying in her bed on top of the duvet, her shoes are off but her socks are on, and a plaid blanket has been lightly tossed over her; three things she can’t remember happening, but must have happened at some point, though the exigence has been lost in the haze of whatever primal force took over her mind last night. Groaning, Dani sits up. Slowly. Do… everything slowly.

There’s a glass of water, two aspirin, and a bucket next to her bed. The glass of water helps, the aspirin too. Thankfully, she doesn’t quite need the bucket yet. But it’s nice that it’s there nonetheless. In the en suite bathroom, Dani splashes water on her face and almost screams when she sees the series of sticky notes stuck to her mirror.

The first, in scratchy, straight-edged handwriting, reads _sorry Poppins, couldn’t find anything better than this on your desk._

The second, slightly more cramped in the space, says _drove you and the kids home. Ms. Lloyd took them off to bed and let me take you upstairs. You’re welcome for the hangover kit._ Another note attached slightly below it, _she really is a trip, that Ms. Lloyd. She judged you a bit coming in, not gonna lie. But I held her back by calling you practically perfect._ There’s a haphazard umbrella scribbled there that makes Dani giggle. The last note is simple: _talk to you soon, hopefully -Jamie._ There’s a number scribbled underneath. A phone number. Dani bites her lip so as not to squeal; the second she does she might actually throw up.

It takes a healthy amount of self-restraint to take a shower and thoroughly clean last night off of her before calling Jamie. At least it’s a Saturday, and Dani has nowhere to be but the statue gardens, tucked in with a book and a cup of Ms. Lloyd’s tea. Which is delicious, despite the fact that it comes from the picture of elegant snobbery.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s a bit too be soon to be ringing Jamie up on a Saturday morning like they’re old friends, especially because Dani barely knows anything about her. She could be working, for all she knows. But Dani got drunk last night – regrettable but necessary, she thinks when she sees the open letter still sitting on her desk – and Jamie was there, like magic, so Dani better believe this will be like magic too.

Except the world has other plans than Dani’s peaceful afternoon and possible phone call to the darling Jamie. As soon as she’s done toweling off her hair, her phone is ringing, with absolutely the _last_ name Dani wants to be seeing right now.

“Hi, Mom,” she says, slipping the phone between her shoulder and cheek while she tightens her pony tail and applies lip gloss. Her mother’s shrill voice is a wakeup call that leaves Dani feeling more nauseous than she’d been already.

“Danielle. What time is it, I hope it isn’t early…” It’s not, but that would be a convenient excuse to get out of this. “I just wanted to call and make sure you got the care package.” _And the letter._ It’s implied.

“I did!” Dani forces as much fake enthusiasm into the words as her hungover body will allow. “I… I did, and it’s… it’s something, Mom.”

Karen Clayton scoffs. “Well, I certainly hope it’s _something._ Something you’ll be considering, maybe?” Dani rubs at her temples, mouth open to respond, but Karen keeps on going. “After all, this whole exchange student business really is racking up the bills here at home, and you can only stay until… when? The end of the month?”

“The end of the semester, Mom. The new year.” _If I can’t get an extension. And I will be trying._

“Right, well, it’s simply ridiculous. No one should be away from home that long. Especially not when you have so much here to come back to!” Karen’s voice pitches up, a clear indicator that she wants Dani to say _something._ How much she misses Iowa, maybe. Or how much she misses her old school, her friends. Eddie. It’s always about Eddie, always with her mother.

Dani is tired enough that giving in is definitely a thought that crosses her mind. But across the room on her desk is a letter in Eddie’s neat slant, begging her to come home so he can take her to the winter formal and pin a corsage on her chest and feel her up in front of all of his friends to make them laugh and. Dani doesn’t want to do any of that. And with all this distance she’s finally learning the delicate art of saying _no._

“Mom, I’m not going to make it back for the holidays. We have… term projects here. Due right before Christmas. I’m doing one on Russian Literature, it’s really interesting.” The lie slips off her tongue easier than she would have expected. Dani’s not really the best liar.

Her mom makes a sound of displeasure. “Danielle, darling. I’m incredibly upset that you won’t put your family first for the holidays.” _You mean Eddie? And Judy? Cause of course you’re not talking about yourself._ “But if it must be, then it must be. I’ll call you sometime later.” There’s a decisive click as she hangs up, and Dani lets go of the breath she’s been holding.

It’s not her mom’s fault. It’s not. It’s not really.

It’s Eddie, holding her hand every day that summer, his fingers sweaty in hers and the way she couldn’t get her smiles to reach her eyes. It’s how he swung his arm around her shoulders in front of his friends like he owned her and how he couldn’t stop talking about _future._ It’s the puppy dog eyes he gave her when she told him long distance wasn’t going to work, and the way she couldn’t actually explain _why._ It’s Judy she doesn’t want to disappoint and her mother she doesn’t want to piss off. It’s… everything, in Iowa, so many expectations in the cornfields that she feels like her head will explode. 

England, so far, is nothing like that. Sure, it’s not London and all, and in fact the little village of Bly is more like Iowa than Dani had thought, with the small-town feel and tightly laid rows of houses. But things are still different here. The air is a little cleaner, Dani breathes easier. People seem nicer, or at least more polite, and Dani has _friends._ Actual friends that aren’t just the girlfriends of Eddie’s friends.

Owen, she met in math class and Hannah and Rebecca she met through Owen. All three of them are lovely. Owen’s puns are on point and he’s an incredibly talented cook, Hannah is a gentle, elegant presence that feels almost motherly (even though she’s Dani’s age), and Rebecca is playful, wickedly smart, and caring. The kind of friends Dani needs.

She’d heard them mention Jamie a few times. Jamie – who, as Owen really has said, likes plants more than people – the misanthropic kid with a chip on her shoulder and a still-charming smile. Hannah had said she had a rough childhood and Rebecca said she came out of it as best as could be expected. They said she was lovely when you warmed up to her, if a bit rough around the edges. Owen lauded her ability to keep a plant alive with nothing but a plastic pot and a half-empty watering can. Jamie, whose schedule apparently determined her lunch would be a different time than the rest of them.

Jamie is in Dani’s Business Finance class, except she sits all the way in the back and Dani hardly ever gets the chance to see her. And they pass each other in the hall sometimes; now that Dani knows who she is, she always tries to wave.

Dani likes Jamie. Maybe a lot, actually. She doesn’t seem like she likes kids very much but she was great with Flora, and (based on Dani’s questionable memory of the previous night) she seemed alright with them in the car. She drove Dani home when she didn’t need to, she laughed and made jokes, and she smiled with the kind of genuine ease Dani doesn’t know she’s ever seen comparably on another person.

Plus, her hair. And the muscles on her arms Dani _totally_ hadn’t been looking at the night before. And the curve of her jaw and her twinkling hazel eyes and the little mole above her eyebrow… okay, this was getting out of hand. Because Dani is now looking down at her phone screen, which reads Jamie’s number, somehow already memorized. And it’s ringing.

Jamie picks up before Dani gets the chance to end the call. “’Ello?”

“Jamie?” Wow. Her voice needs to lower its pitch, like now. “Uh, Jamie.” Yeah. Better.

“Oh, Poppins.” There’s a shuffling sound – oh, no, Dani didn’t think this through. Maybe she just woke up. Maybe she’s doing something really important. Maybe she’s- “I’m at work, sorry. Just, uh, hang on a minute.” Dani hears something scraping, Jamie swearing under her breath, the crunching sound of boots on dirt. A sprinkler whirring to life. “Right. Flowers can water themselves now, can’t they. What’s up, Poppins?”

This is where Dani starts to flounder. Because really, they don’t know each other that well. At all. Dani knows Jamie is her age, she’s funny, she’s pretty, she works in a plant nursery. And that’s it. Dani doesn’t even know her last name. But she knows she _wants_ to know all of these things, and more. She knows that in a sum total of two hours she thinks more things about Jamie than she’s ever thought about anybody else. Jamie occupies a curious little corner of her brain now. Like a tickle underneath the surface of the skin. And Dani wants – beyond her instincts, beyond what’s been bullied into her since she was a kid – to scratch.

Dani bites on her lip. “I just wanted to thank you,” she says finally. “For driving me and the kids home last night. It was… it was really irresponsible of me to get like that, to get so… messy. Um, you were sweet to…” _Take care of me?_ Too strong. “To help.”

Jamie lets go of a breath on the other line. “Seemed like you needed it, Poppins. We all get like that sometimes.” There’s silence, not uncomfortable, for a moment. “Rough night?” Jamie says finally.

“You have no idea.” If Dani’s laughing, it’s because the idea of it is still so absurd. It’s not because the way Jamie says _rough night_ fills her whole body with jittery warm feelings.

“Would you… I mean, I’m just babysitting these peace lilies. Would you wanna talk about it?”

Would she? Maybe. Should she? Debatable, but honestly? Dani’s tired of making choices based on what other people think. Even if her and Jamie barely know each other – she has a feeling Jamie is a good one. A patient one. She’s about to open her mouth and spill everything, budding relationships be damned, when Jamie speaks again. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be now. I’ll be done here in an hour or so, so we could go and get… food somewhere. Give you time to think it over?” Yes, patient is the word. Patient and perfect.

“That sounds great, Jamie.” Dani breathes slowly while Jamie rattles off an address and a time, and she smiles and says “goodbye” softly when they hang up. And then she goes to change her clothes. The t-shirt she’s wearing will _not_ do for a not-date (not-date, Dani) with Jamie the Perfect Gardener.

\---

When Dani walks up to the only diner in Bly, she doesn’t expect to spot Jamie’s curly head immediately, sticking out over a booth near the front window, legs sprawled out in the aisle. The bell that rings when Dani enters makes her look up, and a smile fills her eyes, playful, when she sees Dani standing there like a deer in headlights.

“Morning, Poppins.” Jamie stands when Dani sits, sliding back into the booth once Dani’s settled – like a gentleman, but not in a stifling way. She’s already got a mug of something hot and good-smelling in front of her. Tea, probably. She lifts a hand, and a scrawny looking boy covered in acne brings over a second mug, steamy and swirling brown.

“A proper English brew, there,” Jamie says as Dani takes a tentative sip. It’s warm. Only a little sweet, and comforting. “Owen knows how to make ‘em right.”

“Owen is here?” Dani cranes her neck to look behind her into the diner. Jamie gestures to the counter, where Owen is indeed laying out pastries behind a case. “Oh!” She waves eagerly, and he waves back, giving her a little wink along with it.

“So.” Jamie drums her knuckles on the table, raising an eyebrow. “How’ve you been, Poppins?”

“Oh, you know.” Dani waves a hand, doing her best to seem… nonchalant? “It was a pretty bad night, but I woke up okay. In my own bed, you know, that was nice.”

“I’d imagine,” Jamie smiles wryly.

Dani licks her lips, setting her tea down heavily. What, exactly, is the protocol when a girl you’ve been thinking _quite_ a lot about invites you to breakfast to talk about why you got so drunk the night before? There’s bitter apathy sitting heavy in Dani’s throat that makes her want to spill everything. Jamie’s grip is strong and her aura is warm. She thinks, at the very least, that Jamie is a soft place to land. But she’s new here, new to this, and rushing it is the _last_ thing she wants to do. Careful. Careful is how things don’t get broken right away.

“When I left Iowa,” Dani starts, and Jamie folds her arms across her chest, settling into the conversation, “it was… on purpose. There was this guy. Eddie. He… we were friends, or, boyfriend and girlfriend. From freshman year.” Something flashes in Jamie’s eyes. Dani wants to clarify, wants to scream _I didn’t feel like that, I didn’t feel good,_ but-

“How are my favorite customers doing this morning?” Owen walks up with a plate of scones and muffins, drying his hands on a towel. “According to Mr. Dudley I’m in charge at the moment, and I say…” he presents the plate with a flourish. “This is a _scone_ from me to you. As long as you pay it back.”

Jamie narrows her eyebrows at him. “I’ll pay you back,” she mutters, grabbing a blueberry scone and shoving it in her mouth. Dani hides a laugh behind her hand as Owen slides into the booth next to Jamie, who looks… less than happy about it, but tolerating.

“So. What’s happening here, then?”

Jamie gestures with the piece of scone in her hand. “Dani was telling me a tragic tale having to do with a bloke named Eddie and her being on the lash last night.” She talks with her mouth full, and it’s inexplicably charming for some reason.

“Ooh.” Owen makes a face. “American gossip, then.”

“It’s not gossip!” Now that Owen’s here, the mood less heavy, less… electric, Dani feels a little better about spilling the sordid details of her Great European Escape. “It’s just… Eddie and I were friends since we were little. Whenever my mom wasn’t around, his mom, Judy, they would take me in. And we were close, and then… he asked me out, and I didn’t say no.”

“Shit mums. I know that crowd.” Jamie makes a face, swallowing her scone down with tea. Dani scratches her fingernails on the linoleum countertop, looking at Jamie through her fringe. Owen shoves her with his shoulder, and she smiles at him. Dani swallows.

“Yeah, well, my mom was so happy that we were together. And so was Judy, and so was he…” And here’s the worst part. “Everyone was happy but me, you know. I felt like I didn’t have enough space. My whole life had been him and I… all my friends were his friends, all my weekend plans were his weekend plans. And so when this opportunity came up I took it, because… I needed space. To figure out what was right.” Tactfully, she leaves out the part where _right_ tastes like Jamie in front of her in a booth on a Saturday morning and Owen’s tea in her hands. At least, this is the most right anything’s ever felt. The closest, maybe, Dani’s ever gotten.

“So you’ve left a heartbroken boy back in the States, then. Good on you.” Owen toasts her with a muffin, and Jamie stifles a laugh. The way she looks at Dani: like she sees right through her. The way Dani looks back: like she won’t deny a thing. She couldn’t really. Not to Jamie’s hazel eyes.

Dani shakes her head. “I guess I have.” It’s then that Owen gets called to the back to help with an order, and Jamie and Dani, alone in the booth, still feels electric.

“A real heartbreaker, you are,” Jamie says under her breath, eyes twinkling, and Dani can almost believe that she is. Oh, wow. _Is this what flirting feels like?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, dani. yes it is.


	3. i'm gladiola you're sticking around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... this might be... longer than i thought...
> 
> but hey! here's a third chapter, featuring some gardening and also friends.

Dani comes to breakfast, Dani spills a tragic backstory, Dani talks about how she doesn’t want to be _controlled,_ she came to England to be her own person and make her own choices, and it’s such a telegraphed _back off_ Jamie feels it in her bloody bone marrow. But Dani laughs like an American – drinks tea like an American – and smiles easier than anyone Jamie’s known in her entire life so she’s getting mixed signals, honestly.

They trade stories back and forth for an hour or so: Jamie stealing a book from the library when she was ten (and returning it, of course) and Dani’s summer job at a camp for children in the woods that Jamie says sounds like something out of a horror movie and Dani proudly declares she was lucky to survive. They chat until Dani looks down at her watch and realizes she left the kids all alone all morning, and then Jamie feels bad for dragging her out and Dani apologizes profusely – to who, Jamie’s not quite sure – and she’s out the door in a flurry of blonde hair, fuzzy jumper, and rushed goodbyes to Owen behind the counter. He raises an eyebrow at Jamie. Jamie shrugs.

He comes over wiping his hands on a dish towel. “Called Hannah and Rebecca. They’re coming over here to revise. Becs is trying to study off a bad night with Peter.” Sure enough, Jamie’s phone is laden with a gaggle of texts about Peter Quint’s assholery, of which she’s already pretty well acquainted. 

“Right, then.” Jamie stands, brushing crumbs from the table into her hand. “Shall I…” she gestures to the door.

“No, stay.” All of them know Jamie isn’t really the sit-down-and-study type, but they keep her around anyway. Probably for witty banter. “Unless you have work?”

Jamie shrugs. “Morning shift. Left early for Poppins. She sounded… rough on the phone.” Owen’s knowing smile isn’t worth anything Jamie’s currently prepared to give. “Listen, uh, you mind if I skipped out on bowling on Tuesday? Dani mentioned something about the Wingrave gardens, I wanted to…”

Owen raises both eyebrows. “What, show off your handiwork? Be my guest. I’m sure Rebecca will still bowl me and Hannah into the ground even without you there.” And he’s probably right about that. “You have to get permission from Ms. Lloyd to be on the grounds?”

“Have I ever?” Jamie makes a face, because on God, tense conversations with Ms. Lloyd are to be avoided. She still has a key to the back gate, anyway. The sound of Rebecca and Hannah entering the diner rings unmistakably in her ears, and Jamie turns to face them.

“I heard someone had a nice brunch date this morning,” Rebecca teases, and Jamie wants to kill her friends.

\---

If Jamie checks her phone every two minutes while Rebecca prattles on about conservative forces, it really isn’t that big a deal.

Firstly, it’s nice to respond to texts when they’re sent. She just wants to make sure Dani didn’t get in trouble with Ms. Lloyd. She knows what _that_ can be like. Secondly, she’s stuck on this Business Finance homework and Dani seems like the type that’s good at school. 

It certainly isn’t the _ooh_ affair Rebecca and Owen make it out to be, laughing wildly every time Jamie flips over her phone to look at the lock screen, stubbornly blank. Hannah places a hand on Jamie’s shoulder, a gentle smile on her lips. “Relax, dear. They’re awful, you know that.”

“That they are,” Jamie mutters, _still_ trying to come up with a reasonable defense for a hike in corporate minimum wage when her phone vibrates on the table. She jumps for it, ignoring Rebecca’s snort and muffled giggle resolutely.

Dani has sent a picture and a message. The picture is of her sandaled feet on a lounge chair, in what Jamie recognizes as the Wingrave statue gardens. She can see hints of Dani’s ankles and lower calves, though the picture cuts off there – thank goodness for Jamie’s heartbeat. In the corner is a metal wicker table that contains a sweating glass of lemonade, a worn paperback book, and a packet of Jammie Dodgers. _Sun = better than babysitting,_ the message reads, and Jamie is inclined to agree.

_That so?_ she writes back, then restrains herself to wait for a moment before snapping a picture of her empty notebook paper and a half-full mug of tea. _Still at the diner. W owen and the lot. Working on bf._

There’s at least a minute of silence before Dani responds. _Boyfriend??!?!?!_ Jamie almost spits her tea in Rebecca’s face.

_Blimey Poppins warn me next time. Not boyfriend Business Finance._ As she presses send, she spares a brief thought that Dani’s easy innocence might be the death of her. _Is bf for boyfriend an Americanism or summat?_

Dani’s reply is almost instantaneous. _I think it’s an internet thing._ Soon, another message. _So grandma can I help you with the hw? ;)_

As if this wasn’t what Jamie was angling for the whole time, she types out _sure if youre offering_ and sets her phone down. Restraint. Restraint is the key.

Restraint like waiting until Owen is finished telling a story about the shift lead’s inability to mop to pick up her dully vibrating phone. Hannah leans over her shoulder at three neatly taken pictures of Dani’s work, including the notes from class on Thursday that Jamie… definitely took. Hannah raises a quizzical eyebrow. “I could have helped you with that, you know.” Hannah’s remark is _less than_ innocent and Jamie glares at her before responding thx.

Then, because she’s horrible: _Did you go inside just to get those pics?_

Dani says: _No! I mean I had them out with me_

_So you just… were readin up on minimum wage in the sunlight waitin for me to text asking for help?_

_…okay when you put it like that._ Dani sends a sheepish picture of the view from her bedroom window that Jamie spends a bit too long looking at. The messily made bed. The jacket hanging on the bathroom doorknob. The paperback tossed on the covers, like Dani made haste for the desk without even thinking to put it away. Bits of the insides of Dani Clayton. The picture is followed by another message. _I like helping people._

_Whatever you say Poppins._ Jamie shuts off her phone and powers it down and away, confident that now will be the time she’s actually productive.

Rebecca has other plans.

“That your American girlfriend?” She taps her pencil against Jamie’s Business Finance notebook and receives a glare in her own direction. “Alright, fine. She stopped drinking, at least?”

“For the time being.” Resolved that there will be no productive thinking done today, at least not at this moment, Jamie closes her notebook and rests her chin in her hand. She’s tempted to say something to Dani’s character, but reminded that they don’t know each other well enough and maybe Dani is the sort to get wildly ripped on a given Friday night. Although… Jamie wouldn’t bet on it. Rebecca nods solemnly.

“Figured. She seemed in a state last night. Really worked up, though I can’t imagine what about.” Owen makes eyes at Jamie across the table, as if tempting her to spill Dani’s sordid relationship-related secrets to the table. And Jamie, for all of her lack of integrity, will do nothing of the sort. 

“Stress about school, maybe.” Lord knows Jamie has enough of that and she’s been going to this school her whole life. It’s not _that_ far off anyway. She points to the hickey partially hidden under Rebecca’s jumper as a pointed way to change the topic but:

“Lovely girl, honestly. A shame she’ll only be staying through the term,” Hannah sighs into her cup of tea, and Jamie resigns herself to at least another half hour of Dani talk. “And Jamie, I’m surprised at you. You’re not normally the type to get yourself mixed up with-”

“American girls?” Jamie raises an eyebrow, and Hannah smirks.

“Well, I was going to say anyone, really.” Of course she was. “She really is lovely, though. And so good with the little Wingrave children.” Hannah’s poised elegance, one day, will be the death of Jamie. If Rebecca’s teasing or Owen’s puns don’t kill her first.

“Oh, god yes.” Rebecca groans. “At the very least I don’t have to sit for them anymore.”

“You know, I heard she might even be staying through the second term,” Owen jumps in, maintaining eye contact with Jamie. “Yeah, getting an extension and such. Loves it here in jolly old England enough to stay.”

“I’m sure Jamie wishes she would,” and that’s almost enough to make Jamie break a glass. She narrows her eyebrows even as a smile plays across her lips.

“Bloody hell, I drove her home one time and you all are acting like I picked out a ring.” Owen plays with the straw in his soda, making a face.

“While you didn’t have to tell us. It’s all right there on your face.” _That_ gets him a handful of straw wrappers in the eye, which in turn gets _her_ an admonishing look from Hannah. Owen picks bits of paper from his mustache and Jamie surreptitiously checks her phone.

A text from Dani: _Okay turns out I am babysitting. Wanna come play pretend garden with us?_

She’s up and out before she can think of an excuse.

\---

Jamie still knows the way to the Wingrave gardens like the back of her hand, which may or may not be a good thing. The house is the focal point in town; great and good and all the things old English manors usually are. Instead of taking the more conventional driveway route, Jamie hops the metal gate at the back edge of the property and picks her way through the woods to the statue gardens. 

All of this land, she’s spent summers working. Green thumbs get around in small towns like this, and before they passed Dominic and Charlotte always appreciated her eye on the grounds before big events. It paid for food and lights and heat and so Jamie said fine. Then they were gone and Dominic’s brother Henry moved in and brought real estate mogul Viola Lloyd with him, almost sold the house and hired Jamie – and a bunch of local students who had rough hands – to make it look pretty, didn’t sell the house and left his niece, nephew, and real estate agent behind to watch over the property. _Maybe that’s why that woman’s so bitter._

The statue gardens are a bit away from the lake – pond, really – and facing the sun. Jamie traipses through weedy beds and finds Dani, kneeling in dirt with the two little ones, plucking rogue pieces of grass from the ground to make “bouquets.”

“Mornin’ Poppins,” Jamie says, and Dani’s head whips around, a grin and a bit of dirt on her face. “Puttin’ them to work, are you?”

Dani stands and brushes her hands off on her jeans. “If you can call it that,” she laughs. “I’ve got, like, the opposite of a green thumb. They’re just pretending to be pro planters.”

Jamie steps over to the beds the kids are working on. Flora, at least, is dedicatedly pulling up weeds and burying some of them again, smoothing the dirt over with little hands. Miles is sullenly dragging blades of grass up and tossing stones around.

Jamie kneels next to Flora. She doesn’t like kids, but she feels better getting her hands dirty. “Wanna see something?” she asks, and Flora looks up from her work.

“Miss Jamie! Oh, how lovely you’re here!” This kid’s politeness is jarring, so Jamie busies herself digging in the pocket of her jacket. Sure enough, a packet of seeds: just marigolds, but something.

Jamie hands the packet over to Flora, who grabs it excitedly. “Can we plant them?” she asks, craning her head to look back at Dani. “Oh, Miss Clayton, can we?”

Jamie gestures to the plot. “Nothing much growing here. Might add some color.” Dani shrugs with a smile on her face, and Flora cheers. “Dani, you’ve got water anywhere?”

“Miles, why don’t you go fill up a bottle with water and bring it out here?” Dani’s got a stern voice on and Miles does as he’s told, sulking away. As soon as he’s gone, Dani kneels in the dirt next to Jamie. “He’s been weird all day,” she whispers conspiratorially. “His uncle was supposed to come visit but he couldn’t make it.”

“That’s why you’ve been stuck with these buggers?” Jamie asks, shaking seeds into her hand. Flora is so delighted by the prospect of making something grow that she doesn’t even object to the nickname.

Dani smiles tightly. “I really don’t mind. I mean, they’re great kids. But I wish their uncle would pay a little more attention to them, you know? I mean, I’ve been here three weeks and I’ve only met him once.”

Jamie hums and adopts a similarly tight smile. She knows Henry Wingrave, knows of him at least, and that man is not the kind who thinks of other people. “Miss Jamie,” Flora says, distracting them both, “Miss Jamie, won’t you show me how to plant the seeds?”

Jamie gives Flora a quick tutorial: dig a hole with your thumb, put the seed inside, cover it with soil, give it a little water. Miles comes back with a bottle of tap water and retreats to one of the metal tables with a comic book, not looking at any of them. Dani tries to make him join in, but he ignores her, the little shit. Jamie’s already pretty sure she’s tired of his act.

Flora goes along with her planting while Jamie supervises, and Dani disappears and comes back with a tray of lemonade. “I would have brought tea, but it’s hot,” she explains, and Jamie smiles.

“Fine by me, Poppins.” The lemonade is sweet and tastes homemade, but Jamie doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t say anything either about the beads of sweat rolling off of Dani’s temples and neck and down the collar of her shirt. Bad ideas are not to be pursued, Jamie thinks. And Dani left a boyfriend back in America.

Just past noon, Jamie hears her phone chime in her pocket. It’s Hannah, texting to tell her there’ll be a party at Owen’s tonight. _He’s been put on it by Rebecca,_ she says, _some sort of scheme to get back at Peter Quint for something._ Jamie is all for that.

_Bring Dani,_ Hannah’s next message says. _She really is the loveliest._

Watching Dani laugh with Flora in the sunlight, dirt still smeared on her cheek, Jamie cannot help but agree.


	4. our tu-lips fit well together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do apologize for the slightly longer wait on this one. hope the end makes up for it. :)

“Poppins.” Dani looks up with an eyebrow quirked and a _way_ too self-satisfied expression on her face. “How… how am I meant to calculate the business model-y thing again?”

“You can’t calculate a business model.” Dani crawls across the furry rug in her room to where Jamie has been sitting a few feet away, trying (and failing) to finish this Business Finance assignment. “You _create_ a business model. You can calculate parts of it, like appealing to target demographics and expenses.”

“Yeah, that expensive thingamajig. How do I calculate that?” Dani holds out a hand expectantly, and Jamie hands over her pen and notebook paper. Dani scribbles something that might as well be German and hands it back. 

“Yeah, screw this.” Jamie tosses the notebook aside. It lands across Dani’s room, sliding so just the corner of it is hidden under the chest of drawers. “What are you working on?”

They’re in Dani’s room, doing homework. This is maybe the third time they’ve done this, since last weekend’s Saturday visit, when Jamie came over to assist with babysitting and left well after dinner, somehow managing to avoid both Ms. Lloyd and cook a decent bowl of pasta at the same time. Both extraordinary feats. Dani might have helped a little with the pasta. And then to a Pictionary party at Owen’s place, which they left early so Jamie could drive Dani home. Which was good, because at that point it was devolving from Pictionary to Rebecca-rowing-with-Peter-on-the-phone and Owen-drunk-shenanigans. Jamie stayed with Dani at Bly and watched a movie instead.

And Jamie’s not neglecting anything else. Far from it. She still goes to work most afternoons – and mornings, sometimes – and still makes it home by nine to make sure Mikey’s in bed and Denny isn’t going to light something on fire and Dennis is either underground or under the blanket on the couch, subdued. And she makes it to the diner for designated friend time with Owen and Hannah and Rebecca. But the in between hours she’s spending here, in Dani’s room, doing homework and watching American movies on her laptop and playing inane board games. Somewhere along the way, Dani got it in her head that Jamie is going to be her new best friend, and Jamie… isn’t exactly in objection to that, it turns out.

For one, Dani is kind. Kinder than she’s got any sort of right to be, considering, and sweet in a not-so-saccharine way. In fact, sweet in just the perfect way that makes Jamie blush and cough into her hand and stammer through a “Jesus, Poppins, tryna’ kill me with kindness, I think.” Dani hands out compliments like they’re two pence – common, worth a little but can add up and count to a lot. And they do.

For two, Dani is smart, funny, sharp, all the things Jamie likes in a friend. Hannah is intelligent and polite but doesn’t often get into banter. Owen is ridiculously clever but wastes all his talent on god-awful puns. Rebecca is astute and observant but she’d rather tease than have a serious, analytical conversation. Dani is the best parts of all them; because sometimes Jamie needs Owen’s unending positivity or Becs’ honesty or Hannah’s wisdom, but more often than not she’d just like a smile and a stupid fact about tree squirrels. And Dani, weirdly, has both in spades.

For three, well, shit. Dani is… pretty. Maybe a bit too pretty. She does smile a lot, lights up her whole face with it, shows her teeth, and Jamie likes it more than she likes it on anyone else. She’s got these wide shoulders and high cheekbones, and her hair is soft and blonde and just-this-side of curly, the pretty end to Jamie’s constantly bedraggled brown rat’s nest. Dani’s got a strong smirk, when she drags it out, and sparkling blue eyes like a cloudless sky, and _fuck_ she’s turning Jamie into a sodding poet.

Right now Dani is biting her thumb, staring down at a sheet with more complicated numbers on it than Jamie’s been looking at with Business Finance. “This is… dumb,” Dani finally concludes, sliding the worksheet away. “Calculus is dumb. Let’s not do that for now.”

“Let’s not,” Jamie agrees. “Monopoly?” Dani’s winning smile has her up and headed for the well-worn box in an instant.

Bly Manor being home to two young, impressionable children, the house is devoid of video games or televisions and is instead home to a veritable museum of board games, which Dani has admitted to making full use of while she’s been here. Monopoly is a personal favorite of hers, and despite the sunny exterior she’s ruthless when she gets into it. Jamie isn’t bad herself, but she’s nowhere near Dani’s level, who seems to have set off on a personal campaign to beat Jamie every time they play. Not, precisely, that there are complaints being issued.

The board games are held in a closet just down the hall from Dani’s room. Jamie leaves the door open while she goes hunter-gathering, and can hear Dani’s obnoxiously cheery (obnoxiously American) _California Girls_ ringtone when it goes off. “Hello?” Dani’s voice asks politely after a few rings. Then, “Oh. I… I didn’t realize. I thought you might have been my… never mind.”

Jamie tucks the box under one arm and walks back to the room quietly, sticking her head in the door. She raises an eyebrow, and Dani waves her in, mouthing “sorry” as she sets the box on the floor and tucks herself up on the bed, one foot dangling down.

Dani doesn’t have the phone on speaker, but the voice on the other end is loud enough to carry. “ _Who? Your mom still has the same number. Oh, maybe you meant the school. Yeah, I don’t think if they need to reach you… they’ll probably go through the agency you used. Anyway, hi, Danielle. How are you doing?_ ” With every subsequent word, Dani grits her teeth and clenches her jaw harder. Jamie tries to pretend she isn’t paying attention, fails, miserably.

“I’m fine, I’m… I’m with a friend right now, actually, we’re-”

“ _Oh, you’re making friends? That’s really great. That’s great. Listen, did you get my letter?_ ”

“Uh huh.” Dani has moved on to pinching the bridge of her nose, massaging the skin when it gets a little too red. If Jamie can hear whoever this is _this_ well, she can’t imagine what it’s like with him in your _ear_. “I got it with the care package. Honestly, Eddie, I really can’t come back. I told you before I left…”

“ _You said you didn’t know._ ”

“I said I didn’t know how many _semesters_ I’d be staying. But the deal is I’m here through the holidays, so…” Dani shrugs like this Eddie can see her, but Jamie suspects it might be more for her benefit than anything else. Dani’s body language is panic. Her eyes scream _get me out of here._

The voice on the other end says something indistinguishable except for “ _plans._ ” Dani sighs long sufferingly. “I know I said that, but that was before this opportunity came up. Eddie, please. I’m not going to have this argument when…” She chews on her lip and meets Jamie’s eyes again. “When it isn’t happening. Now, I’m kind of in the middle of something. Was that the only reason you called?”

All of a sudden, Jamie has discovered a new aspect of Dani she likes: the hardass. She grins.

The voice mutters something, then says “ _sorry, no. I’ll talk to you soon, Danielle._ ” Dani offers a quick goodbye and hangs up, staring at her phone for a second. Jamie… hesitates before asking.

“Was that…”

“My ex-boyfriend,” Dani confirms, setting her phone gingerly on the carpet like a bomb about to explode. “Can we play Monopoly now?”

Jamie slides off the bed and opens the box dutifully, beginning to pull out the money – Dani refuses to play banker, saying _it’s easier to beat you this way._ Still, she can’t resist asking one little question. “You alright, Poppins?”

“Yeah.” Dani sighs. Hugs her knees, rests her chin on them. “He just… he wants me to come back for Christmas, for the winter dance at our- his school. Um.” Jamie notices the misstep (on purpose delineation?), doesn’t say anything. “But I literally can’t, like I’m here until a major world crisis or something drives me back or until the term ends. But he won’t listen to me about that. Neither will my mother.”

“Thought you and he were broken up.” Jamie sets the top hat and the terrier on the go space and hands Dani a stack of fake money, which she sorts into piles with angry presses of her fingers into the carpet.

“We are. Eddie is… he knows what he wants.” If that’s the nicest thing Dani can say about his borderline stalkery determination, then. Well, Jamie doesn’t mind being a knight in shining armor when she has to be. So she says:

“I don’t mind being a knight in shining armor when I have to be. ‘Specially not for pretty girls.” Words, Jamie, think them through before they come out of your mouth. But Dani only smiles that teethy smile.

“If you’re gonna duel to protect my honor at least let me deal the killing blow.”

They play Monopoly. Dani, as always, destroys Jamie slowly and exhilaratingly.

\---

Another party. This time, Dani does not bring the kids, leaving them home to eat dinner with Ms. Lloyd and go to bed early. This time, also, she texts Jamie, and they drive there together in Jamie’s truck.

Jamie picks her up just past six and they head across town. Not to Peter’s house this time, some place neither have ever been hosted by some kid neither of them have met. Owen had invited them, though, separately, because he knows this guy through some extracurricular-something-or-other. Dani doesn’t ask questions, just puts on her only clean blouse and waits in the downstairs foyer for Jamie.

“I like your truck,” she says when the cassette player switches over from Stevie Nicks to Blondie and there’s a lingering pause. Dani hasn’t heard a real cassette in ages, since her dad was alive; she missed it, she realizes now. Jamie smiles over at her, turning off onto the main street of Bly.

“S’not much,” Jamie shrugs. “Bought it cheap, to lug mulch and such back and forth at work. Nursery doesn’t have their own trucks and I wanted to be useful. Now s’useful for more than a few things.” Jamie’s wearing a loose white shirt and denim cutoffs, a pair of suspenders half hanging off of her shoulders. Her hair is tied back and a few errant curls fall around her ears. Whenever Dani catches the sight of her in her peripheral vision, she has to swallow hard.

See, girls. Girls are Dani’s weakness. She didn’t realize it for a long time, like if Superman grew up thinking he was human and just allergic to big green rocks or something, and then he wakes up one day and goes, _oh. I’m… different. These rocks make me feel differently than they make other, normal people feel._

Dani goes weak in the knees around some girls – a lot of girls. Girls like Lily from back home in her chemistry class and Natalie when she was in fourth grade, and girls like Jamie now. Jamie now is different from other girls, though. Instead of long eyelashes and painted lips, Jamie carries a chapstick in her back pocket and won’t wear a pair of pants that aren’t suitable for getting dirty. Half of her shirts come from the men’s section and her hair couldn’t be tamed by the best stylist on Earth. She’s a little grumpy sometimes and her Northern accent isn’t what most people would call _proper._ Or _ladylike._ Nothing, nothing about Jamie is _that._

Jamie is also strong and steady, with a patient steadiness. She smiles easy and her laugh is high and breathy but genuine. She doesn’t ask Dani questions she doesn’t think she’ll answer, and somehow she knows exactly what those are. Jamie makes Dani feel known in a way she… hasn’t been. Not with Eddie, her best friend for years. Jamie just fits, looks at her and reads her like a picture book and then files the information away for exactly when she needs to pull it out.

“So I doused the whole place in lighter fluid and then put on clown shoes and tap danced on those orchids’ graves.” Jamie is smirking, barely trying to hide her amusement while she pulls down a neat residential street. “Poppins, you’ve gone somewhere.”

“Sorry! Sorry, I was… just thinking.”

“S’alright. Just take me with you next time, yeah?” Said so casually. Like Jamie isn’t saying _I’ll wander into your daydreams with you, if you’ll let me._ Wow. Dani needs a handful of chill pills and to not get so clingy so fast. Jamie’s just… banter-y.

Jamie turns off the ignition and tucks her key into her pocket. “Here we are,” she says. The house is small and so full to bursting people have spilled out onto the lawn.

They get out and make their way up the front steps, Jamie tugging Dani along to the kitchen where they’ll be the most likely to find Owen. Dani spares a half-second thought to the fact that it makes them look like they’re arriving _together_ before shoving that away for another time.

In the kitchen they find not Owen, but Rebecca and Hannah and someone Dani has not seen before who is introduced to her by Jamie, quite sardonically, as “Prickly Pete.”

Rebecca laughs, but it sounds mostly fake. “Jamie! Be nice. Dani, this is Peter, my boyfriend.” Dani shakes his hand. His grip is almost too forceful; overcompensating. “We were at his house the past couple of times.”

Ah. So, the boyfriend. The boyfriend Jamie has been very vocal about _not liking,_ and is now staring at with derision. Dani clears her throat to snap Jamie out of it, which she does, gazing at Rebecca like she should know something, and Dani feels very much like she’s intruding.

“You’re the American student, then,” Peter says in a voice so slick and slimy it belongs in a sewage pipe. “Pleasure. I’m sure you’ve already tired of us.” His smile says she should have done anything but.

“Well, so far it’s better than Iowa,” Dani smiles, and taps Jamie on the wrist twice. “Where’s Owen?”

Hannah steps forward. “You know, I think I saw him out back. Let’s find him together.” The second the three of them have departed, Hannah rolls her eyes. “Honestly. I do love Rebecca, but he is an utter…”

“Twat?” Jamie offers, and Hannah muffles her snort in her plastic cup.

“Yes, perhaps he is that. He wouldn’t stop going on about his father’s boat.”

“You mean the boat that’s marked _Queen Trout_ and has a whole shop’s worth of tackle inside of it?” Dani offers. She tries to be innocent, but at the stunned look on Hannah and Jamie’s faces she has to give it up. “I spent the last two parties outside, and there’s a huge shed that’s unlocked. I mean, he basically _wants_ people to see it.”

“Huh, Poppins has some bite.” Jamie reaches down as they slide, one by one, through the skinny back screen door. Dani feels their fingers tangle together and does her best to hide her blush behind a wide, proud smile. “Who the hell knew?”

They do indeed find Owen outside, chatting with someone tall in an apron, handling a grill. Hannah drags him away and they settle in a corner into a few random lawn chairs. There are only three, so Jamie splays out on the ground at the foot of Dani’s, lighting a cigarette and taking a few puffs. She hands it up to Dani, who… takes it. It’s been a while since she smoked, but, hey, when in… Bly?

The cigarette tastes like Jamie’s blueberry chapstick where her lips had been, and Dani tries very, very hard not to think too much about that. And if Jamie tastes Dani’s plain honey lip balm when she takes another drag, then she doesn’t say anything.

Was that…? Cause it almost could have been a kiss, maybe. If you define kiss as _two lips touch the same thing_ and not, like, _two lips touch each other._

By the time Dani is done panicking about that, Jamie is wrapping up a diatribe on Business Finance. “You know, I took that class last year,” says the tall kid with the apron, who has migrated next to them and is standing behind Owen’s chair with a tray of burgers. “Might have the work upstairs, if you wanted to take a peek. Last bedroom on the left, right at the top of the stairs. In the red folder on my desk.”

“You, Steve, are an absolute star.” Jamie stands and brushes off her pants. “I don’t condone cheatin’ in business, you see. But Business Finance can bite me, alright?” She salutes Steve, who retreats with his plate of meat into the fray. Jamie offers a hand to Dani. “You wanna get a leg up?”

“I don’t know,” Dani is saying even as she stands. “How will you top the class if we both have the same answers?”

Jamie’s answering smile is cheeky. “Now, see, I never said _top the class._ I know you’ll just beat me anyway. I’m interested in passing, is all.”

And once again, they’re holding hands as Jamie tugs Dani through the house, up a set of rickety stairs, to the last bedroom on the left. Steve’s room is neat and organized and his desk has a large amount of model trains and Patrick Rothfuss books. There is a small shelf of folders and textbooks, on which Jamie finds a red folder. She opens it and pages through, finding whatever she was looking for (study guide answers? Formulas? Dani doesn’t know, she doesn’t pay attention in this class either) and snapping a quick picture of it with her phone. Triumphant, she replaces the folder and steals one of Steve’s sticky notes, writing _thanks :)_ with one of his pens. She kicks open the door and gestures for Dani to head to the hallway.

“Why did I need to come with you? You could’ve just sent me those pictures.” Jamie is looking down at her phone, in the process of doing just that.

“Dunno,” she shrugs, glancing up at Dani briefly with a waning, shy smile. “Guess I like your company, Poppins.”

Dani is going to open her mouth and say something dumb, like _I like your company too_ or _want to like each other’s company in private somewhere, maybe on a date?_ when a noise, loud loud noise, comes crashing up the stairs and three things happen very, very quickly.

Number one, boys that are probably too old to still be in high school stampede into the hallway at record speed and start barreling towards Dani and Jamie. All of them are shirtless, some of them have body paint on – it hits Dani that this _might_ be a party to support a sports team of some sort. Okay. The boys are still coming.

Number two, Jamie does _not_ look up from her phone in time to see these boys coming, and is instead engrossed in what appears to be a text notification. Dani notices this with slight panic.

Number three, she grabs Jamie’s wrist and pulls her. There’s no door on the opposite end of the hallway, so instead of falling into a room and out of range of Stampeding Man Boys on a Rampage, they end up flattening themselves against the wall. And subsequently each other.

The boys run past. Jamie, who is finally aware of the situation, closes her eyes and clenches her jaw, inching as far away from them as she can, which also means pressing closer in to Dani. “crap, crap, shit,” Dani mutters under her breath as cologne and sweat and beer goes wafting past. And then it’s over and they’re gone, and Dani and Jamie are… very close.

Dani hasn’t had anything to drink tonight, but she’s a little light-headed. Jamie’s thighs are pressed against hers, and she can feel the suspenders that fell off of Jamie’s shoulders at some point in the night pressing into her. Jamie’s hands landed on her, one on her shoulder and one on her hip, when they fell, and are now flexing just slightly. Jamie goes to back up, trips on the shoelace of her boot, and falls in closer to Dani, and all of this is starting to become like some stupid romantic comedy.

Jamie’s breath, warm on her face and smelling like cigarettes; Jamie’s warmth and weight on her body, pressing her into the wall, the low “fucking wankers” Jamie mutters, casting her eyes to the side: these are the factors that lead to Dani’s brilliant decision to absolutely swallow Jamie’s face whole.

When their lips meet Dani isn’t thinking straight: _clearly._ In more ways than one. She’s thinking about the way Jamie smells (like dirt and plants and laundry detergent) and the way Jamie’s fingers are lingering on her skin where her shirt pulls away from her jeans. She’s thinking about liking girls, liking this girl in particular, and everything that was stopping her from doing _this_ before being an ocean and a handful of time zones away.

Jamie’s lips slide against her own in a pliant, slightly messy movement, and then Jamie makes a weird sound at the back of her throat that is a cross between a groan and the word “okay” and then pulls back whispers “yeah, sure,” and dives in. Properly, this time.

Oh. So _this_ is what kissing is supposed to feel like, apparently.

Like you can’t feel anything in your body except for your lips where they meet another person’s, like you’re going to explode from fizzing and shaking so hard – or that could be the nerves that encompass Dani right now. Also, like your brain and heart and lungs have never been so full of another person, and that is… good.

Yeah, Dani could probably get used to this.

Jamie’s phone buzzes in her pocket. “Shit, damnit, bloody-” She’s pulling away before Dani can protest, can drag her back in, scanning the text notification quickly and shoving her phone back in her pocket. “Dani, I have to go. I’m- hell.” And Jamie runs away.

Okay. Okay. A moment to adjust – to the kiss, to the way her heart is racing, to the way Jamie says _Dani_ in her accent – before the panic sets in.

Dani does not get that moment, because Jamie reappears, grabs her hand, and drags her back down the stairs, muttering “I’m your ride, can’t leave you behind.”

Is… _Is_ this what kissing is supposed to feel like?


	5. too rough around the hedges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back! same old damie, though. featuring a little bit of confession and some sleepover softness.

Inside Jamie’s truck feels different now. They’re quiet, Jamie’s fingers flexing on the gear shift, on the steering wheel, chewing on her lip so hard Dani thinks she might bite all the skin off. Dani rests her hands in her lap and stares very hard out the windshield. Jamie is going over the speed limit, just the slightest bit.

They’re reaching the outer edge of town when Jamie’s phone rings. She swears under her breath and stabs the answer button and speaker button in quick succession, balancing the phone in a cupholder so she can hear it while driving. “Denny, you absolute moron-”

“Hi, is this Jamie?” The voice on the other end doesn’t sound like anyone named _Denny_ and Jamie’s eyes narrow imperceptibly. “So sorry, this is the last number he texted, I think. My name is Lisa, I found Denny lying by a bike on the side of A12. He’s unconscious and bleeding. I’ve called an ambulance-” distantly, over the phone, Dani hears sirens – “and they’re coming now. I didn’t… he has a contact labeled Dad but it just kept ringing. You seemed like the next best bet.”

“Yeah, I’m his sister.” Jamie jerks the truck to a stop and pulls into a driveway, quickly backing out and starting in the other direction. “Which hospital are they taking him to?”

Lisa rattles off an address. “So sorry to bother you, I just figured I needed to reach someone.” Jamie mutters something that _could_ be “no problem” and navigates the truck onto a bigger, wider road. “The ambulance is here. I’m going to-”

“Thanks, Lisa. I’m on my way to the hospital.” Jamie cuts her off curtly, her knuckles white against the steering wheel. On the other end, Lisa clears her throat.

“Right. Good luck with everything.” The line goes dead, and Jamie’s phone tips back into the cupholder, the screen dark.

“Fucking asshole,” Jamie mutters, glancing out the window. Dani stays quiet, stays not moving; maybe if she’s still enough she’ll melt through the seat and she won’t be here at all. Not that she doesn’t want to be here – well, this is an interesting situation but Jamie seems stressed and she wants to be here for Jamie – but the truck is full of anxious, angry energy, and Dani doesn’t know what’s going on. She doesn’t do well with fixing things or helping things when she doesn’t know what’s going on.

Finally, Jamie seems to remember Dani is there. “Bloody hell, Poppins. M’sorry, I can drop you near a bus or somethin’ to bring you back. I got a bit-”

“Jamie, is everything okay?” Dani isn’t good at keeping panicky emotions inside. Jamie clenches her jaw.

“Not gonna lie, Poppins, I’ve got no freakin’ clue. I’m headed to the hospital to check on my brother who crashed his bike on the side of the motorway and s’probably high as all hell right now, and I- shit.” Jamie smacks the steering wheel in frustration. “Mikey. Can you- open my phone and call the Mrs. Jessel contact. Rebecca’s mum’s watching Mikey tonight, have to tell her I’ll be late pickin’ him up.” Dani grabs Jamie’s phone and swipes up on the lock screen. Jamie spares her one glance. “Password’s 752687.”

Dani jabs in the numbers, finds Mrs. Jessel in Jamie’s contacts, gives her a call. The woman picks up quickly, and doesn’t ask any questions when Dani says Jamie will be picking Mikey up later than expected, also doesn’t ask any questions about why a girl she’s never met is telling her this. Dani wonders how many times, exactly, this has happened.

She hangs up Jamie’s phone and then they’re pulling into the parking lot of Pheonix Hospital Chelmsford. Jamie kills the ignition and looks around. “Right. Uh, you don’t have to come in. I can leave the heat on for ya and you can just…” She waves her hands around. Dani presses her lips together and raises her eyebrows.

“I mean… I can come in. If you want me to… be there.”

Jamie sucks in a breath through her teeth. “Right. Right, okay.” She gets out of the truck and Dani follows her just a bit behind. By the time they’re passing through the hospital doors, Jamie’s hand has made its way into Dani’s. Dani squeezes their fingers together, running her thumb over the ring Jamie always has on, and Jamie’s breathing next to her slows just the tiniest bit.

Dani lets Jamie handle the hospital part. She finds a mostly-comfortable chair in the waiting room and messes with her phone while Jamie talks to one of the nurses. She starts out in Candy Crush but ends up scrolling through her text messages. First, with Eddie back far enough to when there was still a heart next to his name in her contacts. Had she always sounded that dispassionate to him? Or is it just because now, she thinks she knows why?

Her text messages with Jamie are different. A little _x_ at the end of almost every one. Jamie calls her more pet names than just Poppins, sends heart emojis that Dani responds to in kind. Their chat is riddled with selfies, innocuous photos of books they’re reading or homework they’re doing, and memes Dani finds online. Not a single one of Dani’s texts goes unresponded to, which Eddie had had a hard time keeping up with.

Dani licks her lips and glances up. Jamie has one arm folded over her chest, the other playing with the material of her jeans. Her face is empty, passive, but Dani thinks she can see a hint of a storm playing behind her eyes, tempered by the way Jamie tries to _pretend_ she doesn’t care. Even for her brother, who crashes his motorcycle on a Saturday night because as far as Dani can tell, he’s an idiot, she cares.

Dani thinks it must make you very, very lucky to be cared for by Jamie Taylor. The kind of thing that some people don’t deserve, and Dani isn’t sure how she got here but when Jamie starts walking back to her with worry in her eyes and softness in her step she’s more than grateful, she’s _devoted._

“He’s, uh… they’ve sent him back,” Jamie chews on her lip, gesturing aimlessly with her hand. “Checking him out now. Most they can tell, a concussion and a few broken ribs but he might wake up soon. Maybe a leg fracture, too, I think? Anyway, I… I’m gonna go back and see him. Real quick, if that’s…” She’s asking because she’s going to be leaving Dani alone here, in a hospital she’s never been in, in a country she’s lived in for less than two months. And Dani, amazingly, just shrugs.

“Yeah, I’ll be right here.”

Jamie casts her eyes around. “The nurse said… there’s a cafeteria, down that hall. If you’re hungry or… I’ll meet you there when I’m done.”

“Okay.” Dani stands, brushing off her jeans for something to do. Jamie and her are about the same height, but something about her looks _small_ under these fluorescents, surrounded by plastic and mint green. Jamie breathes in green, but the natural, grass and forest kind. Her grit and rough, it doesn’t fit here. Dani wants to drag her up and away. She can’t, so she settles for a hug.

Jamie gets swallowed up by her denim jacket, her hands landing somewhere on Dani’s middle back. She rests her chin on Dani’s shoulder, folding into the embrace softly, progressively. “I’ll only be a minute,” Jamie says, like Dani is the one that needs to be comforted. Dani gives her one last squeeze, pulls back, and rubs her arms. 

“I’ll just be waiting.”

The cafeteria is practically empty and the coffee is predictably gross, but Dani drinks it anyway, scrolling through her phone and ignoring the Instagram notifications for people she left behind in Iowa, at a party very different from the one she just left. It’s almost ten here, so early evening there, and the faces of people Dani’s known all her life seem suddenly foreign here in this cafeteria that is growing more and more familiar the longer Dani waits.

Owen texts and asks where they went, followed by Hannah - hers is less drunk seeming. Dani responds to them both in kind, not sure how much she should say; she settles on _Jamie and I left, she had to deal with something, she’s taking me home soon._ Hannah seems to understand and replies accordingly. _Take care of her, Dani._ And Dani plans to.

When Jamie wanders in half past ten with her jacket in her arms and a lost look in her eyes, Dani waves her over with an arm, pushing a cup of coffee across the table. Jamie slides onto the bench and takes a swig, grimacing at the flavor.

Dani frowns. “I know, but it was all they had.”

“S’not bad,” Jamie lies blatantly, drumming her fingers on the table. “He’s awake. They’re keeping him overnight. We can… I’m good, yeah?”

“Okay.” Dani isn’t sure whether who she’s trying to convince, but she believes her anyway.

Jamie takes another sip of the coffee. It seems to perk her up, if only barely. Dani looks around. There are no distractions here except her, and she doesn’t know how to-

“Denny’s my older brother. He’s twenty now, been a couple of months.” Jamie purses her lips, avoids Dani’s eyes. “Mikey, the little one, is only eight. Flora’s age. Might even be in her class. He’s… Mikey is good. Denny gets in trouble.”

“Okay.” If there are two things Dani knows about Jamie it’s these: Jamie doesn’t talk about her family, and Jamie doesn’t talk about herself, at least not easily. This cafeteria has no windows; it’s starting to feel like a fluorescent mint green limbo, just the two of them and a couple of nurses, just a moment that Jamie might try hard to forget and Dani will do everything in power to make not hurt as much.

“My mum met my dad when she was young. So Denny’s a surprise, and then there’s me, and… Dad gets more money working in the mines, a couple of towns over, but s’long hours and it’s dirt and grime and he’s… he’s barely home. And my mum is a kid, basically, and so she’s all alone with two kids and she’s not… there. She’s under some bloke or in a poker hall and Denny and me are all’s left. And then Mum’s run off right after Mikey’s born, not wanting to… deal with it all. Dad was underground when it happened, see. And the whole town knew, too. That the new baby didn’t belong to him.”

Dani folds her legs up under her and rests her hand on the middle of the table in a silent promise. This: not what she was expecting. And a gift, she knows. Or, a promise itself, both of them swearing things in this moment. She lets her eyes rest on Jamie’s face and waits until she’s ready to meet them.

“Denny doesn’t take well to being the town trash, so he’s off into the city half the time, getting trashed and high and failing all his classes, and then it’s me and Mikey, and I… I don’t know how to do _kids._ I don’t, really. Can take care of plants, that’s about all, so… so when I meet Rebecca, and I find out she’s got two little brothers around Mikey’s age, her mum can help out time to time, it’s like this breath of relief. And still I’m just… cause the thing is, I’m not any good at people. And I know that. I push people away, so I’m sitting here, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and…” Jamie bites down on her lip, staring just over Dani’s shoulder. “I’ve got things that are too good for me. Like Owen and Hannah and Becs and… you.” Jamie doesn’t move, except her hand; inches forward ever so slowly on the table until her and Dani’s fingertips are pressed together.

“Someone up there, whatever it is guiding all this, decided I had to be in charge somehow, of Mikey and of Denny’s bad decisions and of my own goddamn life and I’m not good at doin’ any of it.” Jamie sighs. “Makes it a bit easier when I’m not alone, though.”

Dani gets brave. Or maybe she always was, but in any case, she pushes her hand forward, locks it with Jamie’s. “You’re not alone,” she whispers, and when Jamie’s eyes meet hers, she knows Jamie knows it too.

“Lemme drive you home,” Jamie says quietly. Dani agrees, lets her stand up and throw away the god-awful coffee and it’s only when they’re heading back to Jamie’s truck that Dani realizes this is still the same night that oh _wow,_ Jamie kissed her.

\---

_Kissed her. Kissed her, you idiot, you should probably mention that._ Jamie hasn’t yet. Mentioned it, that is. Just let Dani buckle into her truck and head back to Bly, none the wiser. Jamie is thinking about a million things at once, and kissing Dani is pretty close to top of the list.

She keeps fiddling with the cassette player and only lets it linger when it gets to the Beatles, I Want You, because her mind has some sick sense of humor and also Dani starts tapping her fingers against her thigh, a smile crawling across her lips; so she likes this song, so fine.

They pull up to Rebecca’s and Jamie stops the truck, and the whole thing is a blur. Not a sugar rush blur, not a passionate blur. A slow, lethargic blur brought on by confession and confusion and Dani, sitting patiently in the car. Somehow, Jamie gets through pleasantries with Mrs. Jessel and gets Mikey into the back of her truck and starts them back towards Bly Manor to drop Dani off.

Then, halfway there, she says: “House’ll be empty when you get there?”

She says: “You can always stay at mine. Cold but we’ve got biscuits.”

She says: _I don’t think, even if there’s silence between us, I’d want to spend this night alone._

Dani taps a finger on her chin. Already, Mikey is enamored with her, hanging over the back of the front seat to ask her questions about America, tractors, and her favorite types of music. And wizards, maybe, if Jamie’s paying careful enough attention. “Yeah, I think… I mean, the kids are already asleep. I can just head back tomorrow.”

Jamie clocks the surety in Dani’s voice, the way her hand inches ever closer on the gear shift, and flicks her indicator to make the right turn onto her own street.

She doesn’t mention anything to Mikey about Denny or the hospital, accustomed enough to tucking him in that it goes off without a hitch. He asks if Dani will read him a story and as always, Jamie is impressed by the bounce-back resilience of this kid. There’s no Taylor in him, not literally, and not even in the way he looks at the world, all fresh and shiny and full of possibility. He’ll be good one. Jamie will make damned sure of it.

She pulls on an old shirt and some sleep shorts, grabs a pack of cigs and takes to the back porch, breathing out in the cold night air, puffing smoke out into her well-maintained garden and muttering silent apologies to her plants.

Dani finds her after not too long. Her jacket’s been abandoned somewhere and so has her sweater, leaving her in a t-shirt and a bright pink scrunchie and jeans. She holds out a hand for one of Jamie’s cigarettes like she belongs here, on this rickety wooden porch with the broken stair and the squeaky gate. Puffing out smoke into the night like she owns the place. Jamie can’t look away.

“Think he was pretty tuckered out,” Dani smiles, not at Jamie, not quite. “I read him a story and he was snoring. He’s really sweet, your brother. I’m happy to watch him if you ever need, you know. He can come to the manor, play with the kids.”

Maybe that would be nice. Give Jamie more excuses to see Dani, whose existence in her life is already so finite that she feels it slipping away with every slow journey of the moon. Dani can disappear as quickly as she appeared, Jamie knows, and what she said in the hospital stands true: she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Prolonged though it may be, it will fall. Jamie doesn’t get to have nice things.

She hums and steals her smoke back. “Freezing out here. Come inside? I’ve got sleep clothes you can borrow.”

And now Jamie’s favorite game of _what’s worse:_ the image of Dani in her pajamas, with her hair mussed, or Dani as she is, opting to just strip out of her jeans and sleep in a long white t-shirt and underwear? Either one might crack Jamie’s sanity right in two. She pulls extra blankets out of the closet before she can look too hard at anything.

“Mattress is shite, anyway,” she gestures uselessly with the bundle in her arms, managing in a tired and bleary state to construct somewhat separate blanket nests on her bed. Technically, this bed is too big for her, scrawny little body swallowed by the sheets. It feels small enough with Dani inside, cheek resting on a pillow, flannel blanket tucked up to her chin. Almost too small, but comfy all the same.

“Hi,” Dani says when Jamie’s warm enough, cuddled up enough. Her hand rests between them, like she’s reaching out. Like she stopped herself, for whatever reason. But Jamie’s doing it too. The reaching of it.

“Hi,” Jamie starts, then swallows. “Thanks for…”

“Yeah.” Dani won’t torture her. Won’t make her say it. She knows, Jamie knows, and all will be fine when the sun rises. “I just have to… Jamie.”

The way she says her name. _Jamie._ So soft, plaintive, considering. Like she’s whispering something worshipful, like she means it. So caught up is Jamie in the whispers, quiet of this moment, she almost misses what comes next.

“Jamie, I’m sorry about earlier.”

A double take, so many double takes. Jamie licks her lips. Asks: “Why are you sorry?”

Dani lifts the hand that rests between them and runs it through her hair, tugging at her scalp. “I don’t know. Everything happened so fast, I feel like… I mean, it’s not that it wasn’t- it was _okay,_ it just- I know those kinds of things require two people.”

“They do.” Where, exactly, is Dani going with this?

Dani sighs. Her eyes land somewhere not on Jamie, somewhere farther away. Maybe not _here_ at all. “Right. And if you weren’t… willing or ready-”

“Think I was plenty willing.” Now it’s Jamie’s turn to curl her lip like she’s tiptoeing farther to the edge, to rest a hand between them, an offer. But Dani needs more than just jokes; she needs solidity. “Honest, Dani. S’alright, it’s good, really. I… I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t wanted to.”

“We are talking about kissing, right?” The words fall out of Dani in a rush. “The- the kiss. Right?”

“We are.” This girl is so goddamn sweet, Jamie can’t help the smile from spreading. It’s slow from tiredness but it’s genuine, and then Dani smiles too.

“Okay. I- I’m tired.”

“Me too,” Jamie says, thinking _there. There we can end it for tonight and pick it up tomorrow, maybe-_

_Maybe we do have enough time. One day at a time, at the very least._

Jamie rolls onto her back, stares at the popcorn ceiling of her room and tries to even her breathing. Pictures sheep, and then pictures Dani, asleep. Ruffled but peaceful. At peace.

“I’m glad you asked me to stay, Jamie.” Dani whispers it into the darkness as an answer to a prayer. “I’m… I would have stayed anyway, you know. I’ll offer anytime you want.”

Jamie thinks on it. Reaches her hand slightly farther over, until her fingers brush Dani’s, and curls their pinkies together.

“Thank fuck,” she murmurs into the darkness, but she can’t tell if she’s dreaming already or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, in case anyone was wondering, jamie's phone password spells out plants. just cause.


	6. i don't need encourage-mint to spend thyme with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are we doing? well, i hope? just a general checkup on everybody.
> 
> this is a shorter chapter, because the end is gearing up! i swear. i promise. this is a long and winding road but it does, ultimately, have a point.
> 
> meanwhile, somewhere in bly, dani and jamie are waking up...

Jamie’s wimpy blinds are probably what wake Dani up on Sunday. That, or the freezing cold air on her legs where the blanket has abandoned her. That, or Jamie’s arm tossed lightly over her stomach, the other over her face while she sleeps. Probably a combination of the three.

Dani extricates herself from her blanket nest, doing her best not to jostle Jamie next to her. But Jamie just rolls over and murmurs something into her pillow, pulling it in close to her body. Dani stops. She _looks_ for a little bit, just looks, and likes what she sees. This, she decides, is what that whole grand _feelings_ thing is about.

Jamie’s room is a lot easier to see in the daylight. It’s small, and plants crowd the available surfaces, covering her desk, the top of her dresser, the low shelf in the corner that is also crammed with worn paperbacks. There are two big windows with blinds that look half-broken, and the rug under Dani’s feet is soft, if a little worn in places, covering a dirtier looking carpet underneath. Hanging from Jamie’s ceiling light is a dreamcatcher mobile and it looks handmade. Dani gets caught on the way the colors look in the sunlight for just a little bit, the way the colors look in Jamie’s hair. Then, her stomach reminds her of its existence.

Jamie has mentioned she lives with her brothers and her dad, and that the latter isn’t home often. Dani figures she might as well take her chances, given the lack of car in the driveway last night, and tugs her jeans back on to make her way out to the kitchen.

The house itself is small, one floor, with Jamie’s bedroom and another door, slightly cracked, showing a boy's bedroom beyond. Dani can see an unmade bed, clothes kicked underneath, and a motorcycle helmet; that must be Denny’s. At the opposite end of the hallway, the house opens up to the living room, covered in empty beer bottles, ripped leather, and ancient wallpaper. It’s separated from the kitchen by a thin wall next to the door. The fridge whirs impatiently when Dani opens it, but it’s home to a half-full carton of eggs and some orange juice. There’s bread and jam in the cupboard, so Dani gets to work.

Padding footsteps hit her ears just after the toast goes in. “Who’re you?” a little voice that isn’t Jamie’s asks, and Dani spins around to find Mikey, wearing a large t-shirt with Thomas the Tank Engine on it, rubbing sleep from his eyes and clutching a stuffed rabbit. Dani’s caretaking heart grows about three sizes. She smiles and waves at him.

“I’m Dani. I’m Jamie’s friend, remember?”

“Oh, yeah.” Mikey yawns, padding into the kitchen and climbing up onto one of the wooden chairs at the table. “Are you making breakfast?”

“I am.” Dani glances over at the eggs, bubbling in the pan. She pokes at them with a spatula. “Do you like eggs? And toast, and I found some jam.”

“I like eggs.” Mikey kicks his feet back and forth, pressing on the foot of his stuffed rabbit in no particular pattern. “You talk funny.”

“I’m from America,” Dani tells him.

Mikey makes a face. “I’ve never been to ‘merica. Jamie says that’s where the weirdos live.”

Dani can’t help the snort. “Does she now?” Mikey nods solemnly. “Well, I’m a bit of a weirdo. So I guess it’s true.”

“Do you like trains?” Mikey asks, and that topic occupies his mind the rest of the time Dani cooks breakfast. Mikey is smearing strawberry jam on his toast before another pair of footsteps sounds from the hallway. 

“Poppins, where’d you- hey, little man.” Jamie’s eyebrows raise when she sees Mikey sitting at the table, jam staining his fingers. “Cook yourself breakfast, did you?”

“Dani did it!” Mikey doesn’t exactly smile – Dani hasn’t seen him do it once. But his eyes get brighter and his legs kick faster, and she thinks he's happy to see his sister, at the very least. And Dani gets that. Jamie is very easy to be happy around.

Jamie steals one of the pieces of toast off of Mikey’s plate, getting jam on her fingers in the meantime. The bright eyes she shines at Dani over his head remind her exactly of him. “Well, that’s awfully nice of her, isn’t it?” Jamie leans in and whispers something into Mikey’s ear. He nods and hops off the chair, going to rush back to his room. At the last second, he stops and walks calmly over to Dani, offering his jam-sticky hand.

“Thank you for making me breakfast.”

Dani shakes without being able to hide her amusement. “You’re very welcome.” He skids off. “Cute kid,” she tells Jamie as she slides into one of the kitchen chairs. Jamie has made herself comfortable, balancing her arm on her knee and picking through the remains of Mikey’s plate.

“Yeah, he’s better than most. Little Wingraves not included, ‘course.” Jamie is quiet for a moment, and Dani sips her orange juice. “I need tea,” she says finally, and gets up to dig for the kettle.

“It was nice of you to let me stay,” Dani says when the silence gets to that not-tense place, where it feels like something needs to be said. Jamie looks back over her shoulder with a sharp smile.

“You’re always welcome, Poppins.” Dani gets the feeling that’s not true. Or if it is, Jamie’s bluffing, putting on a show, because this house is messy and empty and covered in the crumbs of a half-fulfilled childhood. Dani grew up in a house that looked a lot like this, and she got lucky: there were other places she could go. But Eddie never slept over at her house, and there was a reason for that.

She feels like she should thank Jamie, weirdly, for something, but Jamie doesn’t give her the chance.

“I’m going to get caffeinated, and then I’ll drive you home, yeah?” Her eyes are soft over the kettle as she fills it, and Dani just nods along with her.

\---

“…Which is why this project need not be done individually. You will have until the first of December to prepare your projects. Choose partners wisely; you will not get much class time to work on this.” Jamie catches the tail end of the teacher’s spiel and finally clocks the heading on today’s handout: _end of term project._ Ah. There’s that, then.

The room rises to a dull roar as kids lean over to their friends, try to come up with some plan for how to do as little work as possible and still get at least a B. Jamie chews on the end of her pencil and raises her eyebrows when Dani picks up her stuff and makes her way to the other empty seat in the back of the room.

“So we should… sorry.” Dani clears her throat, makes an apologetic face. “Do you want to work together?”

Jamie sighs, sitting up and leaning in. “Bein’ honest, Poppins… m’not sure I could do it alone. Haven’t been payin’ the most attention in this class, to tell you the truth.”

“I noticed,” Dani murmurs with one of her _teasing_ smiles that makes Jamie’s stomach do weird things. “That’s why I thought we should work together. Combined we’ve probably taken at least half of the notes.”

“Sure we have.” Jamie scans the handout; of course her and Dani are working together, at this point it feels like a given. She scoots her chair the tiniest bit closer, smelling the cinnamon sugar and fresh laundry smell that Dani always has and letting it cloud her judgment a little. “So… what do we have to do?”

“Create a fake business and determine the business model, expenses and profit for the first quarter, and then influence on the global market.” Dani is already scribbling things in her notebook in neat, blue pen. Jamie thinks for a second. Opens her mouth to say something, then Dani asks, “Is this… kind of like a term project?”

Jamie shrugs. “S’pose. Only it’s just for one class. Why?”

Jamie can’t really tell whether Dani wants to laugh, cry, or explode. The tips of her ears are going red against the tight strands of her ponytail. She fiddles her pen between two fingers. “Nothing, I just… I kind of told my mom that we had term projects, y’know, keeping us busy? And that’s why I wasn’t calling so often. I didn’t think it would actually be… true.” Jamie muffles her snort in the collar of her jacket.

“Poppins, that’s a shite lie.”

“I know.” Dani rolls her eyes. “And it gets worse. I told her I was doing it on Russian literature.”

That gets Jamie properly laughing, clutching at her side. The idea of Dani Clayton, pink plastic phone case pressed to her ear, lying through her teeth about needing to write about Russian literature just so she doesn’t have to talk to her mother is funny. Or maybe it isn’t, and Jamie’s just very, very far gone at this point. 

Dani joins her in laughter, giggling into her sweater sleeve and clutching at Jamie’s arm so hard her fingernails might leave marks through the fabric. The teacher has to shush them eventually, but even when the noise has petered out Dani stays clutching at Jamie’s sleeve, flexing her fingers. Jamie just reaches forward for her pen and notebook.

“We can make it about Russian literature, if you want,” she suggests, and Dani shoots her a look.

“Seriously?”

In flourishing ink, Jamie scribbles _Clayton and Taylor Russian Translation Services_ on a blank page of Dani’s notebook. “Seriously.”

The giggles that elicits gets them another stern glance from the teacher.

\---

“Good after- _spoon,_ Dani,” Owen says when Dani sets down her tray at the lunch table. She has a cup of tomato bisque and a pile of peas with her grilled cheese, so… point taken.

“Hi, guys.” Rebecca and Hannah wave in greeting, both absorbed in studying. Owen leans in conspiratorially to update Dani: a pop quiz in their history class. Dani nods and searches through her bag for her book, preparing for a quiet lunch period.

“Well, look who the cat dragged in,” Owen drawls, and when Dani looks over her shoulder she sees Jamie, one hand tucked into her huge jacket pocket, the other holding an apple. There’s a grin on her face. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

“Shouldn’t you be minding your business?” Jamie slides onto the bench next to Dani, who automatically scoots over to make room for her. Owen watches them move with raised eyebrows. “Didn’t feel like doing double replacement equations today,” Jamie continues, “so I skipped out. Figured you lot could use a little entertainment.”

“That we could,” Owen nods, gesturing to Hannah and Becs. “These two are cramming and Dani was going to abandon me for the world of literature.”

“Russian literature?” The joke goes over Owen’s head, but Dani snorts into her soup. “Ah, no. _The Picture of Dorian Gray._ Very different.”

“Very,” Dani confirms, tucking the paperback under her thigh and inclining herself more towards Jamie. “But also, I don’t condone skipping class. I might have to turn you in.”

Drawing a slow grin out of Jamie Taylor is, Dani thinks, one of her greatest accomplishments. “That’s a high threat,” Jamie whistles through her teeth. “Dunno. Might go bum a smoke behind the gym. Maybe wander down to the vegetable garden and check on those autumn seasonals. We’ll see.” She steals half of Dani’s grilled cheese and bites into it, even though her apple is still sitting on the table. “Always wandering, me.”

“Okay.” This is why we don’t tease, Dani thinks. Because she’ll see Jamie later, and tomorrow, and every day until Iowa drags her away again, and probably still after that because they’ll call and text and everything, but she _likes_ spending time with her and she likes Jamie popping down for a surprise lunch visit.

Jamie grins slyly. “Chin up, Poppins,” she says, standing and taking the bitten half of grilled cheese with her. “If you feel like being a vagrant, you know where to find me.” A wink, and she’s gone, swirling off in a scent of dirt and black tea. Dani watches her go, and looks down to find the apple left behind. Wordlessly, she rubs it with her sleeve and takes a bite, setting it on her own plate. If Jamie’s going to take her food, she might as well steal some back.

Owen watches the interaction with increasingly wide eyes. “She likes you, doesn’t she?”

Dani spoons soup into her mouth and makes a face. “I don’t know what you mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say it with me: dani clayton, oblivious disaster.


	7. i yam what i yam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're almost there! we can do it, folks.
> 
> i did spare a thought that the rest of this fic is about to become reliant on halloween shenanigans and i'm publishing this in the month of january, but hey. anachronisms.
> 
> slight tw for some homophobic language and sentiment in the last section.

Denny is napping with his sweatshirt thrown over his face when Jamie goes to pick him up from the hospital on Tuesday. She already called her boss, mentioned she’d be late; he told her not to worry about it and take today off. Jamie told him that was nice and she would see him in thirty minutes.

Thankfully, none of Denny’s injuries were too serious. Jamie says this as his sister, as someone who cares about his well-being, but when his face slackens as she approaches, features turning into a frown, she remembers how much she sometimes wants to punch him in the face.

“Sign out?” she asks. 

“Did it already,” he tells her, and hobbles on his crutches towards the door. Jamie locks eyes with the nurse at the desk, who nods and waves her on. Not that she doesn’t trust Denny, but she doesn’t trust him worth his salt.

Those five words sustain them all the way to Jamie’s truck, all the way back into Bly, all the way to the house. As Jamie makes the turn onto their street, she glances over at him. “You have meds for your head?”

Denny pats his sweatshirt pocket. “Don’ ‘alf to mum me. Not your job.”

“Not trying to,” Jamie sighs, bringing the truck to a stop. “But I’m not supposed to let your brain hemorrhage either.”

There’s nothing else they have to say. They didn’t say much on Saturday, either. Jamie didn’t ask why Denny was driving high, who he was getting high with, where the bruises on his cheekbones and knuckles came from. She doesn’t want to know the answers to any question that she asks, so she doesn’t ask them.

Cause in a year, less than by now, Jamie doesn’t have to be here anymore. She doesn’t have to be the emergency contact, and she doesn’t have to be the one picking her brother up from the hospital; doesn’t have to be anywhere for anyone, according to the law. Jamie is free as a bird, could drive off to London, France, drive the rest of Europe and never look back.

(Could fly to Iowa, says Jamie’s bad instincts. Could maybe spend a little while in those suffocating cornfields.)

But wherever Jamie goes, she’s leaving all of this behind. The good parts, like the nursery and Owen-Hannah-Rebecca and her favorite tea made at the diner. She’d miss them, but she’d call. And there are nurseries other places.

And then there’s the other things Jamie leaves behind: a house, falling down around her. Her dad, six feet under even if the coffin hasn’t been fitted yet. Denny, bruised and killing himself more every day to feel like he has agency, and Mikey, growing up and not smiling because he’s afraid someone will see it and take it away from him. And Jamie is like some poor cello tape adhesive, like the object at the center of the gravity well. If she splits, and it all goes flying loose, she doesn’t know where they’ll all end up.

Jamie’s not good at taking care of much, but she doesn’t like to watch her plants die if there’s something she can do to help it. So she’s staying here. But she’s not asking questions. That’s the unspoken deal.

Denny is still sitting there, spaced out; might be high right now on those pain meds for his head. Jamie waits. For him to get out of the car. For him to say something.

And say something he does. “You had a pretty blonde girl, huh?”

Maybe he’s seen their texts on Jamie’s phone. Maybe he’s seen her around town, at the diner. Doesn’t matter. Jamie pinches the worn leather of the steering wheel. “What’s it to you?”

“Seems nice. And American.”

“She’s from Iowa.”

“Where’s that?” Truthfully, Jamie doesn’t know. Middle of the country, she thinks, the conservative bit, but she doesn’t want Denny to know she doesn’t know so she shrugs. He shrugs back.

“Keepin’ a girl around for once?”

“Denny, get out of my truck.” And he does. Slides out and hobbles in the house. Denny looks back at her as he unlocks the door, and Jamie sees Mikey in his face; she hasn’t in years. Denny looks young and innocent and only cracked, not yet broken. And he doesn’t smile at her, but he does the thing where he gets close. He raises a hand in a wave and then disappears inside.

Jamie drives to work. In the parking lot, she googles where Iowa is on a map.

\---

_This is good,_ Jamie thinks, for one of the very few times in her life. _This is a good thing._

Tuesday night, the diner, all five of them squeezed into a booth. Hannah and Owen next to each other with a polite amount of distance between that’s inching shut every passing minute. Rebecca almost falling off the edge of the seat and Jamie pressed into the wall and Dani, between them, grinning with a hot chocolate mustache. _This is good._ They’re talking about Super Mario Bros.

“I swear, he wore a fake mustache and everything,” Jamie leans in to Dani to say, like it’s shameful, because it is. “That’s the night he swore he would have a Mario mustache when he was older.”

“I personally think it’s incredibly distinguished,” Owen defends himself with a hand placed on his heart. Hannah snorts in her tea. 

“Despite Mario being a relatively common Halloween costume,” Rebecca points out, and Owen’s face falls. Dani laughs, not at him but with him, and Jamie knows more than she’s known before that Dani fits here. In between them, teasing Owen, teasing Jamie, on a Tuesday night.

“Speaking of Halloween,” Owen changes the subject from his own video game related embarrassment, “Friday. My place. Who’s coming?”

“Not me.” Jamie flicks a balled up straw wrapper at him, and he bats it away. “Have to work, you know.”

“You don’t have to work,” Owen calls her bluff, but she glares at him anyway.

“I’ll be there, Owen.” Rebecca says this so that _she_ can become his favorite. But it won’t work because they all know Owen has no favorites. Hannah agrees quietly, and Dani glances around the table.

“What’s Friday?”

“My Halloween party,” Owen declares proudly. “A bash like no other. Costumes are encouraged. There will be alcohol.”

“Minimal alcohol,” Hannah cuts in.

“That sounds fun!” On anyone else, this would sound disingenuine. But Jamie has learned to read Dani like a book, and her smile and the flash in her eyes are excited. A little part of her heart softens. Maybe, _maybe_ she’ll go.

“If you’re coming, convince Halloween Grinch over here to join you.” Owen waves his hand at Jamie. “She always misses the hottest party of the year.”

No one would call Owen’s Halloween party the hottest party of the year. Still, Dani looks over at her with puppy dog eyes, and it’s _Dani,_ and Jamie steadily feels her resolve cracking. “Maybe a date will make me forget how much I hate this blasted holiday,” Jamie smirks. “What do you say, Poppins?”

\---

“What do you say, Poppins?”

Yes. Dani says yes, a million times yes, even if Jamie doesn’t mean what she just said, even if they just go as friends, because Dani likes spending time with Jamie and she likes Halloween and Owen’s party will probably be fun, but _oh._ If, _if_ they go as dates. Well, that’s…

Dani is not opposed. In fact, Dani is enthused by this opportunity.

“You mean that?” She asks, meeting Jamie’s eyes head on. “Like, date dates?”

They haven’t mentioned the kiss since the night it happened, falling asleep in Jamie’s darkened room to the subtle knowledge that neither of them really minded, but this feels… like a _something._ A something that’s happening, right now, in the shifting light of Jamie’s eyes and the way her mouth quirks up at the corners. In the fluttering of Dani’s heart in her chest.

“If ya wanted, a’guess.” Jamie is nervous. This sends heat to Dani’s neck and cheeks. _I made her nervous._

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Jamie’s grin threatens to split her face in half, and only magnifies when her and Dani link hands under the table.

\---

But of course, sugar highs don’t last forever.

Jamie drops Dani off at the manor and she’s scarcely inside the front door when her phone starts ringing. She rushes up the stairs and stabs the answer button without looking at the number. “Hello?”

“Danielle. Thank goodness I reached you. Eddie has been trying to call you all afternoon.”

Dani shuts her door firmly behind her, coughing a little at the lie on the tip of her tongue. Because telling her mom she put Eddie on mute is not the way to go, at least not yet, not now when she doesn’t have time to prepare.

Instead she says this: “What does Eddie need?”

Karen’s voice gets just the slightest bit prouder. Almost _happy,_ if that was an emotion Karen Clayton could experience. “Oh, it shouldn’t be me to tell you. It should be a surprise! And anyway, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead in a ditch somewhere or something.”

“No, Mom, I’m not dead in a ditch.” That’s more of an American thing, if Dani’s being honest; she’s not much worried about dying or ditches in Bly. But her mother distrusts anything and everything she doesn’t know. Dani maybe trusts too much, but anything she can do so she won’t end up like Karen, bitter and angry and controlling, she’ll do. “It’s, uh… it’s kind of late, here, Mom, and I was going to go to bed…”

“Well, we haven’t talked in so long! It’s been at least a week!” Karen’s voice takes on a slightly offended tone. “Don’t you have some time to chat with your lonely old mother?”

Honest answer? No. Dani wants to fall on her bed like an eighties teenage girl, giggle that she has a _date_ with _Jamie fricking Taylor_ and think about kissing her again, and daydream up Halloween costumes, and do all sorts of things that don’t involve talking to her mother stuck four decades in the past. But Dani was raised a good little girl, and it’s only nine anyway; plenty of time for daydreaming later. “A little, I guess. How are things there?”

Karen launches into a scandalous story about one of the women she plays poker with and her cheating husband. Dani puts her phone on speaker and starts rifling through her dresser drawers, looking for suitable Halloween costume items. She gives an appropriate “uh huh” and “wow” here and there and figures that’s all she needs. Karen isn’t the type to inquire after your life, after all.

“And when she confronts him about it, he has the _audacity_ to say it’s perfectly fine! It’s natural, it’s love, blah, blah, blah. Like he isn’t cheating on her with a _homosexual._ Of course, she deserves it. I mean, her hair is just abysmal and she thinks purple lipstick is _attractive,_ but…” Karen prattles on and Dani drops the sweatshirt she’s holding that might work as a Hermione Granger Prisoner of Azkaban costume and stares at the phone. Waits one second and tries to process and then-

“Hey, Mom? Did you just say homosexual?”

Karen’s cut off in the middle of another insult. “I did. Do you have a problem with that?” she huffs.

“Um…” Dani twists the material of her sweatshirt around her hand, hard enough to cut off circulation. “Yeah, I guess. It’s just not a very nice word to use. It’s kind of… mean. And derogatory.”

“Well, what am I supposed to say? He’s a homosexual. He’s a man who sleeps with other men. Honestly, Laurine should have known better, he’s always been a little too into his hair gel-”

“That’s mean too, Mom. And a… a stereotype.” Dani bites her lip when the other end goes quiet. Slowly, she picks up the phone and switches it off speaker. Karen’s pensive silence echoes in her ear.

“Well, what would you have me say, Danielle, since you’re so _cultured_ and _knowledgeable?_ Would you like me to call him _gay man?_ Or _dirty cheater?_ ” Karen doesn’t give Dani a chance to answer, not that she really knows how to. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. He’s not- well, why do you care, Danielle? Why are you defending the honor of some man you’ve never met?”

“I’m not-”

“Do you think you’re better than me? Is that it? You’ve gone to England and now you’re so very smart and PC and all that?” Karen’s tone takes on an accusatory lilt. Inside, Dani starts to panic. She’s balled up the sweatshirt entirely now. “You’ve got some gall, young lady, trying to say you’re so perfect just because-”

“Hey, Mom? It’s just not a nice thing to say. That’s it. I was just trying to tell you that.”

Karen huffs. Dani has started to feel a little weightless, like the floor is falling out from under her, like there’s no more walls and no more ceiling and the whole manor is just an illusion and she’s suspended in an immaterial plane. Her mouth is dry. She wants to hang up but her fingers won’t move.

“I don’t understand, Danielle, why this is such a big deal for you. Why can’t we drop it?” Once again, Dani doesn’t get a chance to respond. “I’m not perfect, not like _you._ And some people are just… well, they’re just wrong! And they should know that they’re wrong. That’s what I always tried to tell you, that you should _help_ people” – Karen Clayton has never said that once in her life – “and anyway, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything for you, you don’t know Laurine’s cheating husband.”

“Yeah, but-” A cold, hard thing has taken up residence in Dani’s chest. “Mom, I-”

“What, Danielle? Spit it out. You know I hate when you stammer.”

“What if you were saying it to his face?” A momentary breath of relief. “You wouldn’t insult him to his face.”

“Well, I’m not saying it to a gay person’s face, am I?” 

“Mom.” The air in the room goes still. Dani forgets how to breathe.

“What, Danielle?”

“I’m gay.”

Oxygen ceases to exist. Dani’s legs shake and she leans forward on the dresser to steady herself, the sweatshirt fallen to the floor, forgotten. “Danielle.” Her mom says one word, and when Dani’s only response is a shuddering breath, the other line clicks dead. Dani drops her phone to the ground.

Outside the window, the moon casts shadows on the long driveway, and Dani tries to picture Jamie’s truck rattling up with the comforting lull of the engine and a Blondie tape playing, Jamie her white knight come to save her from the nightmares and yawning empty darkness of the house, a sleepless night that awaits her.

There’s nothing there. Dani curls up and doesn’t fall asleep until the sun is rising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes! (and i'm sorry. final chapter coming soon.)


	8. thistle be our future (and we'll romaine together)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a journey: completed. plant puns: officially exhausted. i would like to thank google for providing me with fodder for those every time my brain blanked.
> 
> hope y'all enjoyed the ride. happy reading. :)

Dani lasts the rest of the week in a daze. Waking up on Wednesday is a chore and lugging herself out to the driveway to wait for Jamie’s truck is even worse, but when the familiar blue gas-guzzler stops in front of her and Jamie waves jovially from the front seat, Dani feels just the slightest bit better. After all, her mom isn’t here. Jamie is. Jamie, right now, is what matters.

“Alright, Poppins?” Jamie glances at her skewed hair and lazy outfit choice from the corner of her eye as Dani buckles in. “Rough night or summat?”

“Yeah…” Dani swallows, the wooded road out of the manor filling her vision. Never one to keep things to herself, she sighs. “Had a pretty bad conversation with my mom over the phone last night.” Dani drums her fingers along the edge of the window, feeling the cold breeze seep in through the glass. “I kinda came out to her without really planning to.”

“Shit.” Jamie’s fingers tighten the slightest bit on the steering wheel. “Didn’t go well, I reckon?”

“It… wasn’t great.” Dani leans her head back, staring at the fuzzy ceiling of the truck’s cab and trying to breathe through her nose; her throat is a little clogged and her mouth is like cotton remembering her mother’s voice the night before. She feels Jamie’s hand slide over her own on the gear shift, their fingers linking together almost automatically.

“I’m sorry, Dani.” Jamie says it with the reverence of someone who _knows,_ and Dani is grateful for a thousand things in this quiet, warm cab.

She shrugs. “I’m okay. I’ll be okay.” Sitting up, Dani resolves to listen to her own lessons. “Weren’t you texting me about finishing the first season of Criminal Minds last night?”

Jamie groans. “I’m getting to it, Poppins, I swear.” The whole drive to school she doesn’t let go of her hand, and Dani _resolves._

And resolves through Wednesday and Thursday and Friday, existing on the pure stubbornness of herself. She focuses instead on homework, fair mountains of it, and it distracts Dani bad enough holding herself out of a panic spiral that when she walks up to Owen’s house Friday at four, a little early, she’s just wearing the plain pink sweater she had on at school that day.

“Oh, Dani Clayton, this will not do at all,” is what Owen says when he sees her, dragging her into the living room crammed with orange streamers and all sorts of oddly-shaped gourds. Courtesy of Jamie’s nursery, probably.

“I know, I know, I said I’d wear a costume, but… I didn’t have anything right,” which is true. Dani hadn’t factored _Halloween costume_ into her packing for England. 

Owen looks her up and down. “Well. Lucky for you, I think we have the makings of a great Halloween costume here already. Oh, Hannah!” Hannah, dressed in a simply elegant black lace dress, exits the kitchen with a ladle in her hands.

“Dani, you’re here! Can curb Owen’s childlike excitement, can you?” There’s a twinkle in her eyes as she says it.

“I can certainly try.” Owen pouts, grabbing Dani’s arm and shoving her towards Hannah.

“Alright, you two. Hannah, would you mind assisting Dani with her costume while I go get dressed? Maybe something a little… _practically perfect?_ ” Hannah’s smile turns slightly mischievous as Owen dashes off, and she takes Dani’s arm gently, leading her to a guest bedroom with a few things laying out on the bed.

“Tell me he doesn’t mean what I think he means,” Dani sighs as Hannah begins sorting through a pile of blouses. Hannah’s quiet laugh all but confirms it. “I mean, seriously. It’s not that funny.”

“It’s quite funny, love.” Hannah holds up a white blouse. “Yes, I think this will do nicely.”

It takes Hannah all of ten minutes to transform Dani into a semi-appropriate Mary Poppins, complete with an umbrella taken from the Sharma’s coat rack and a daisy pinned to a black hat. Why Owen has this many Mary Poppins-like items lying around, Dani doesn’t want to know. Hannah has just finished tying back Dani’s hair and explaining the intricacies of her Morticia Adams dress when a loud knock and an “oi, wankers!” sounds from the front door. Dani’s shoulders straighten immediately, and Hannah laughs.

When she exits the bedroom, Owen’s opened the door, revealing to the newest guest his truly creative Bob Ross outfit. Jamie is standing on the other side in what looks like her normal street attire, raising an eyebrow at him.

“That’s… something, mate.”

“It’s impressive, and you should say so.”

“I’ll pass.” Jamie glances around Owen to see Dani, standing just behind him. “Hey, Poppins. Took the nickname literally, didn’t you?”

“Blame Owen and Hannah,” Dani grins, stepping forward to take Jamie’s hand. Somewhere behind her, the other two fade into the distance. “Sorry. I know we were going to come together…”

“Yeah, bit of a surprise when Ms. Lloyd said you already left.”

Dani’s face gets sheepish. “I know. I’m sorry, I just… got restless.”

“S’okay, Dani.” Jamie leans in a little, bumping her shoulder against Dani’s. “You’ve got a lot on your mind. ‘Sides, I don’t need you to be my date to Owen’s Halloween party.”

Dani pouts. “But what if I want to?”

The dramatic look Jamie gives to the empty room is enough to make her break. “Party hasn’t started yet.”

“I guess not.” Jamie steps in the house finally, and Dani gives her a once over. “Who are you even supposed to be?”

“Uh, jaded teenage gardener?” Jamie makes a face. “Not one for costumes, me.”

“She’s Bender from Breakfast Club!” Owen yells from the kitchen. When he sticks his head around the corner, he’s glaring in Jamie’s direction. “It works, and you’re going with it.”

“Fine,” Jamie concedes grumpily, staring down at her flannel and oversized boots. It does work, Dani muses, while swinging their still-connected hands between them.

Party prep goes as party prep goes, and by the time guests start arriving at five Dani has committed herself to having a good time. Music is playing, Owen has laid out orange-and-black sugary treats and plenty of only slightly-spiked punch, and Jamie refuses to leave her side, taking this whole _date_ thing pretty seriously. Dani can almost forget that the whole world isn’t this, right now, that she technically doesn’t belong here with all of her. Almost, almost forget.

\---

Jamie wants to kiss her. She wants to kiss her so bad.

But nowhere is exactly right. Not in front of everyone, not when she doesn’t know what Dani thinks about all that. Not secluded in the hallway, and not in the guest bedroom; that’s not how this should go, with Dani. This isn’t a snog at a sixth form party, this is Dani Clayton, and no matter how much Denny teases her about it, Jamie plans on keeping her around for a while. Demonstrates as much when she stays glued to her side the whole evening.

Making it weird when around seven she loses Dani in a crowd of dancing teenagers. Owen’s Halloween parties are surprisingly well-attended, but his house is small and there’s only so many places Dani could go. Feigning a smoke break, Jamie sneaks out the kitchen to first check the cramped back garden, thinking maybe a repeat of when they first met is in order.

Dani is indeed outside, at the front of the house, sitting on Owen’s front porch with her legs stuck out in front of her and a frosted ghost biscuit in her hand. Her hat has been abandoned and her hair falls in wispy waves around her face – Jamie wants to kiss her _so bad._

“Found ya,” she says, dropping down to sit next to Dani, who offers half of the snack. Jamie takes it gratefully. “Why’d you run away?”

“Too crowded in there.” Dani says it softly, even though the music still pounds through the front door; a private moment, they’re having here, a moment that requires a certain measure of softness. “I wanted to just… be with you.”

“Yeah?” Jamie asks delicately, holding herself still, so still, so’s not to break anything.

Dani crawls over, kneeling next to Jamie, one hand resting on her thigh and covering a rip in her jeans. “Yeah.”

In a smooth movement, Dani swings herself over Jamie’s thighs and sits in her lap, leaning forward so her hair frames her face and blocks out the world, porchlight highlighting the planes of her face and the shine of her eyes. She focuses, glances down at Jamie’s lips, and before Jamie knows it she’s kissing her. Kissing her. Properly, for certain.

Despite Dani’s current presence in her lap, the kiss is soft. Gentle, chaste, and nice. A warm agreement of blossoming things, where Jamie feels good sprouting under her fingertips and Dani feels roots spreading from her feet. A new thing, for them both, and a dangerous thing, maybe. But that’s November’s problem; tonight is for a nice kiss, the kind that they’ve both been waiting for even if they don’t realize it.

Headlights cut through Jamie’s kissing haze, and she waits for them to pass, for the gentle warmth to settle again. But they don’t pass. They get brighter, in fact, and she opens her eyes to find Dani already wrenching away, looking over her shoulder, mouth open like she’s going to yell for privacy-

And then her face goes slack.

“Dani?” Jamie asks, running a hand up Dani’s side to hold her ribs as Dani slouches backwards, her brow furrowing. “Dani, everything good?”

“It’s, I…” Dani can’t seem to get words out, gesturing uselessly with her hands. The message her brain finally seems able to get out is a shouted “What the hell are you doing here?” Jamie turns around and catches a glimpse of a tall boy with glasses and curly black hair. She’s seen a picture of this boy in Dani’s phone. This is Eddie. American ex Eddie, shutting the door of a cab and striding confidently up the front walk.

“Danielle! Oh my god, it’s been way too long.” Dani, for all her panic, has not moved from Jamie’s lap. Eddie seems to notice this as he gets closer. Jamie clears her throat, would move but for Dani’s weight bracketing her thighs. She’s a bit stuck.

“Who’s, uh, your friend?” is what Eddie finally says, and Dani stands, defiant.

“Eddie. The fuck.”

\---

He’s here. He’s here, in Bly, in a place that she’s learned to make hers, and it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make any goddamned _sense._

“How are you even here?”

Eddie shrugs, his hands in pockets, casual as he ever was back home. In _Iowa._ Where he should be right now, celebrating Halloween with his friends, but instead, he’s-

“I took a couple days off of school. I wanted to surprise you. I was going to wait until Thanksgiving, but then I remembered they don’t do that here.” Now that Dani’s not sitting directly on top of her (shame, by the way) Eddie seems to have forgotten there’s another person in this equation. Like always, like _always,_ his full attention is on Dani. She used to think it was sweet, and now it makes her squirm. Maybe it always did, his puppy dog dedication. In any case:

“Eddie, you can’t just… you can’t just _be here._ ”

“Sure I can, Danielle! I mean, I’m here, right? I just… wanted to surprise you.” For the first time, probably, the realization is dawning on Eddie that perhaps this was not the greatest plan. Meanwhile, a cough builds in Dani’s chest, solidifying into a pressure so strong she’s sure she’s going to burst from it. If Eddie sees the panic in her eyes, it doesn’t register like it should.

Jamie stands in a quick movement. “Uh, Poppins? Hey, breathe. Breathe, love.” She casts a glance at Eddie. “Give her some space, will you?”

Eddie does not. “Wait, Danielle, is this that friend you were talking about? She seems awfully, I mean, uh…” Eddie waves a hand in Jamie’s general direction, whose eyes dare him to finish his sentence. He doesn’t. _Wise boy._

Dani tries to listen to Jamie. Tries to breathe, but the ball in her throat and the cavern in her chest make it hard, and it’s getting even harder, so Jamie takes her hand, squeezes it tight. The tight helps, loosens the other parts of her a little, including the wet gathering at the corners of her eyes. _He’s here,_ says her brain unhelpfully. _He got to you anyway._

“Right, let’s head inside, yeah?” Jamie guides Dani backwards, as gently as possible. To Eddie, she shoots a heated glower. “You stay out here. Someone’ll come for you, maybe the _host of the party._ ” Eddie, at least, knows how to take an order. He lingers on the porch, fists in his pockets, while Jamie gets Dani inside.

Owen is just in the living room, and a short exchange gets him out to the porch while Jamie helps Dani to the guest bedroom. _He’s here. He’s here._ Like a mantra, like they’re the only words she knows. Dani can breathe a little easier in the relative peace of the bedroom, but she’s still manic-eyed and scared.

“Dani, can you breathe for me?” Jamie gets Dani on the bed, kneels in front of her and holds her hands loosely. “C’mon, love, in and out for me. That’s it, baby. Just breathe.”

Dani does, and slowly the cavern in her chest fills with air again. Knots form behind her temples, and she becomes vaguely aware of the wet tracks on her cheeks. Coughing, she waves a blind hand, and Jamie gets the message to come up on the bed next to her. Being wrapped up in Jamie’s comforting hug gets the last of the panic out of Dani’s body.

She’s left with a horribly empty fear.

“How did he get here?” Dani asks. She’s asking a thousand things at once, really, but somehow Jamie knows what she needs answers to. Fishing for her phone in her pocket, she sends off a text message.

“According to Owen, says he pinged your phone. Thought it wouldn’t be a big deal since he did it back before.” Jamie looks up. “He tracked you?”

“No, he just-” Dani hiccups. “He just wanted to know where I was.”

“Sounds like tracking,” Jamie mutters. “He’s staying through Sunday at this hotel in Chelmsford. Uh, and he’s got some money and he’s alone. And he wants to talk to you and he’s sorry for scaring you. He thought you’d be happy he came.”

_Least he’s respecting set boundaries,_ Jamie thinks ruefully as Dani’s breathing slows to normal levels again, inch by inch. _Only good thing I can say for him at the moment._

“Jamie,” Dani says worriedly. “I don’t… why is he here?”

“I’ll hazard a guess,” Jamie sighs. “Bet your mum didn’t inform him of what you told her” (right she shouldn’t, coming out should be on your own terms, but whatever) “and he’s come to win you back over. Be the shining hero in your story. If ‘m guessing.”

“That sounds…” Dani manages a wet laugh. “Exactly like him and nothing like him. He always wanted to be the hero but he was never… I don’t know, brave enough. He likes letting other people do the hard parts.”

“Jeez, Poppins. A harsh critique of a man who traveled across the pond to scare the wits out of ya.” Dani laughs again, turning her head into Jamie’s shoulder, who just presses a hand between her shoulderblades and rubs circles as soothing as she can get them. “But yeah. He’s, uh… persistent.” _One word for it._

Dani’s soaking the cotton of Jamie’s flannel but she’s not going to say anything about it right now. Instead, she presses a hand to the back of Dani’s head. “How are you feeling, Poppins?”

“Tired,” Dani sighs, resign seeping into her voice, “of telling people things over and over again and not having them listen to me. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe I went along for too long…”

“No,” Jamie says concretely. “You’re not blaming yourself. If they don’t value you and your words, that’s their fault, alright?” Dani nods, her forehead rubbing against Jamie’s shoulder.

“Guess so.” She pulls away, and Jamie sees the panic fading away from Dani’s eyes. She looks away, towards the window. “I have been… _running._ For so long. Ever since I realized I couldn’t stay anymore, I just started, and I never stopped. I never stopped. I left the country for a year and I hung up the phone and I did all these things…” Dani rubs the side of her head, her other hand resting on the comforter. Jamie reaches out, slowly, and intertwines their pinkies. Just a small promise. A reminder. “I thought I wouldn’t have to make anything _real,_ if I just ran. But I think they’re never going to listen to me if I don’t… listen to myself.”

Jamie isn’t going to say anything. She’s had this moment. Everyone gets this moment. And she’s here on the other side but it never helps when somebody carries you over the line. Dani will take the step and Jamie will just catch her if she falls. That’s… that’s maybe what she’s supposed to do, and maybe it’s the right thing. She’s going to keep their pinkies linked.

“Jamie,” Dani murmurs after a moment of silence. “How do I… I want him to leave. But I have to-”

“Owen will kick him out in a heartbeat,” Jamie cuts in, because it’s true. But Dani shakes her head.

“No. I have to do it myself, I think.” Her shoulders set and her back straightens, and Jamie sees something like _resolve_ come into her eyes. “I need to tell him the real truth and, I don’t know, get it all out there. That’s the only way things are ever going to get any different.”

And Dani’s strength is that of a thousand elephants, or something more poetic, so Jamie watches her stand, brush off her skirt, and take a deep breath. “Just… come with me, though.” Jamie catches her hand without any hesitation.

Eddie is in the backyard with Owen, who stands awkwardly to the side with his arms crossed, trying, Dani guesses, to be intimidating. When he sees Jamie and Dani cross into the yard, he gives them a significant look and slinks back inside.

“Danielle, I’m actually-” Eddie cuts himself off. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. I didn’t think-”

“Yeah, you didn’t.” Dani snorts, and Jamie has to suppress a laugh. Her hand is still tangled in Dani’s, but she starts to drop it ever so slowly; Jamie lets her. “Listen, Eddie. This is… I mean, I guess it’s sweet, what you did. For any other girl.”

Eddie’s face is hopeful. Dani takes a breath, a long deep one, and expels it through her teeth.

“Honestly, though? I mean, it’s a bit much, and we _broke up,_ but beyond that. I’m… Eddie, I’m not the girl you started dating freshman year. I wasn’t even that girl then, really. I’ve always been going along, I guess, with what I thought I should do, and you were my very best friend in the whole world” – Eddie’s face gets the slightest bit brighter – “but I didn’t love you like that. But I thought I should! So I just… went along. And then it was all too much. I thought I might feel right eventually, Eddie, because you’re a good guy. You are. But you’re not… good for me.” Dani glances back at Jamie, only a pace and a heartbeat away. “Eddie, I’m gay.”

His face is carefully blank. Jamie chews on her tongue and stares him down until he says, “Danielle. I don’t understand.”

(Dani’s brain reminds her that’s the same way her mom said her name, on the phone. But there’s no hanging up now. She’ll fucking follow through if it kills her.)

“I’m gay. I like girls.” _One girl in particular._ “I don’t… I never loved you, like that. I’m sorry that it took me so long to admit it, but being able to come here and just… be somewhere different for a little while, I felt a little better thinking about things I had been afraid to think about for so long.” There are no tears on Dani’s voice, even though it feels like there should be.

Eddie looks to Jamie, to Dani, to Jamie. “Are you sleeping with her?”

Jamie goes red, coughs into her hand, but Dani holds her ground. “I mean, no. We’re seventeen, Eddie. But I…” She looks back to Jamie, who meets her eyes with an awkward half-smile. “I really like her, actually. Eddie, this is… this is Jamie. She’s a good friend of mine.”

Jamie steps forward and extends a hand. Eddie, who looks blindsided by this whole conversation, shakes it in quick, jerky movements. His palm is damp and Jamie resists the urge to wipe her own on her thigh.

“Okay. I… Dani.” The first time Eddie’s called her that in ages, it gets Dani’s attention. She looks to him. “I guess… okay. This is going to… damn.” He runs a hand over his face. “I guess I need time. Right?”

“Okay.” Dani shrugs. Jamie gets the sense, finally, that Dani is past caring what people do or don’t do because of her. A good decision to make. “I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing.”

“Yeah. It’s… good to see England?” If anything, Eddie just looks colossally awkward. “Um, I’m going to go. It’s… huh. Good to meet you, Janie?”

“Jamie,” Dani corrects him, a fake patience lacing every letter. Eddie shakes his hair out of his eyes, waving a hand.

“I’ll see you when you get home, Danielle.” And then he’s gone, slinking around the side of the house and not looking back, not once.

The second he’s gone, Jamie anticipates. She steps up and envelops Dani from behind, pressing a soft little kiss to her shoulder. “That was good,” she tells Dani. All she needs to say.

“I feel good,” Dani responds in a whisper, staring up at the dark sky. She pulls away, dragging Jamie’s hand down and pulling it into her own. “I’m… wow. What now?”

“Do you want Jello shots?” Jamie asks, in all seriousness.

Dani makes a face. “I’m not gonna say no.”

\---

If there’s a part of that Halloween that feels like a dream, Jamie can’t decide if it’s Dani, kissing her every time they get a second alone, or the six neon green Jello shots she puts down that make her throw up at least twice on Saturday morning. Likely to be both.

She’s at least sure she dreamed up the whole Eddie-pays-a-visit thing. That, certainly, did not happen.

But Dani holds her hand in school and calls her “babe,” which is also dreamlike. And if Jamie can’t separate dreams from reality she doesn’t want to start now.

\---

It doesn’t feel right, knowing this is the last time she’ll be in this truck for a while. Dani’s come to love this truck. Of course, knowing Jamie’s love for it too, it’ll be here when she comes back. Which she’ll be doing. As soon as possible.

“You’re calling me when you land.”

“You’re probably going to be asleep, babe.”

“You’ll call me when you land, Poppins. Not an argument.” Jamie navigates into the drop-off lane. “I’ll stay up for you, ya know.”

“I know.” The June sun of England doesn’t feel quite as hostile as the June sun of Iowa, and Dani selfishly wishes she could stay longer. But her blessed second term is up, and as much as the Wingraves are wonderful she really can’t take up their guest room much longer. Thankfully, Jamie’s bed is big enough for two, as long as Dani can afford a summer visit in a month or so.

“And I’m looking into the education programs at Cambridge,” Jamie insists as she pulls Dani’s bags from the back of her truck.

“I can’t get into Cambridge, Jamie.”

“You can damn well bloody try,” Jamie grumbles, hoisting Dani’s heaviest suitcase onto the curb. She leans on it dejectedly. “How am I meant to live without my beautiful girlfriend for a whole year?”

“I’m sure you’ll survive.” Dani leans in, kissing Jamie on the cheek and straightening her collar. “Besides, there’s always FaceTime.”

“FaceTime, my ass.” Jamie swats Dani away even as she leans in, accepting one last kiss. “I’m not kidding. Call me when you land.”

Dani rolls her eyes. “I will, doofus. Take care of your plants for me.”

Jamie probably has a retort on her tongue, but she swallows it. Dani watches the teasing filter out of her eyes, replaced by a disbelieving mistiness. “I’m gonna miss you,” Jamie says quietly.

“Me too,” Dani smiles, reaching out to grab Jamie’s hand. “But there’s this really cool thing I’m gonna do soon, called graduate, and then I can come back. Whenever I want. And stay for a while.”

A smile crawls up Jamie’s lips. “I can do that too, you know. Even sooner than you.”

“Well, we’ll have to take advantage of that, then.” The last kiss Dani gives Jamie is a bittersweet for now. But it isn’t, by any means, the end of the story.

(Jamie picks up the phone three AM her time and talks to Dani for two hours before falling asleep on the line and it’s _adorable._ )

(Because there are a few things that Jamie likes in this world, and Dani Clayton is lucky enough to be one of them.)

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me @amessofgaywords on twitter.


End file.
